


Paternoster Unconnected Content

by IntergalacticCrime



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, Gen, I'm jus yellin, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:20:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 62
Words: 32,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22166275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IntergalacticCrime/pseuds/IntergalacticCrime
Summary: Jus postin some stuff to get it outta my system.It's fun content! They're fun!Will probably come back to this stuff to do actual things because I just can't seem to do what I actually want to do. How uncool and unsexy of me.I'm jus throwin basghetti at the wall
Relationships: Jenny Flint & Strax & Madame Vastra, Jenny Flint/Madame Vastra
Comments: 80
Kudos: 106





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This one has a bit more to it but I'm super unhappy with it and I can't write anymore for no good reason. Or even a bad reason. This will become a theme

**In Which Vastra is Extra and Performative and Jenny Uncharacteristically Has Health and Safety Concerns**

"She's not," Jenny said to no-one as she saw Vastra riding toward her with a look of unadulterated glee and a hint of mischief on her face. Not that Jenny could see it, but she knew. "She's really not."

As she got closer she shifted in the saddle and theatrically beat the reigns with a spirited "yah!" before lowering her hand for Jenny to grab and be hoisted up behind her.

"You could have just stopped!"

"And where's the fun in that?"

"You're ridiculous! What if you missed?"

"I would never."

"What if I missed?"

"Nor would you. You enjoy the showmanship of it all just as much as I, my dear, you just hide it better."

"I'm the sensible one!" Her voice morphed into a squeak as Vastra took a deliberately sharp turn, though she did slightly regret it since the tightened grip on her made it harder to breathe.

"And you pretend so convincingly!"

"Just catch up with the bastard will you?"

"Strax is ahead, he should cut him off- Oh my."

"Wow."  
"That is one way to put it." Passers-by stared in disbelief at the loosened cobblestones strewn about- were they smoking? Could you burn cobblestones? "You can let go of me now, the horse has calmed down."

"If she rears again you're coming down with me."

"You're so cruel."

"Get down so you can help me down."

"Because you're so shor-"

"Because I'm not _as tall_ as you." Vastra was enjoying this.

"I can't hear you from all the way down there."

"Get off the damn horse and help me down." She did as she was told, smug smirk never leaving her face, before grabbing her waist and bringing her down. "I didn't mean like that, a hand would have done."

"I can put you back up and you'll be stuck."

"Until I can find someone else or a suitably soft surface to fall off on to." Jenny shoved her shoulder. "Don't roll your eyes at me."

"You can't see-"

"Am I wrong?"

"Come, we should close the case before Strax does."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is ABSOLUTELY ending up in whatever Bloomsbury Bunch content I eventually post... If I ever do it

"Imagine if it was Vella who found you instead of me."

"You know I don't like to think about what would have happened if we never met."

"That isn't what I'm saying. Vella has been here for longer than I have. If any silurian was going to find you it was far likelier that it be her."

"She is very pretty. I'm sure I wouldn't have minded being her maid."

"But you did mind being mine?"

"I had a horrible time of it. I had this mistress, some kind of rich recluse, fantastically rude. Bit of a snob really."

"She sounds terrible."

"She was."

"No redeeming qualities?"

"She wasn't hard to look at, and you know my feelings about tall women."

"You mean women taller than you. Which is most women."

"Since you're going to ruin the game I'll remind you that Vella is noticeably taller than you."

"It's not that much. Is it?"

"And those sharp dark eyes... I could get lost in them for days."

"Jenny."

"And she's so strong."

"What you're doing isn't working."

"It's working on me."

"Jenny!"

"Do you think I should call on her?"

"Stop it."

"Jealous?"

"No."

"Good, because you shouldn't be."

"And why is that?"

"You're a better kisser."

Vastra smiled, ego satisfactorily stroked, before said smile melted off to sheer distress. "How do you know that?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to think Vella woke up before Vastra and when she found out Vastra was awake she was just like "NOPE". I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about the Bloomsbury... I'm love them


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jenny being reckless and taking a long time to rely on anyone else but herself? Delicious

Vastra overhead a quiet whimper and suppressed laboured breathing in the smaller bathroom.

She knocked on the door. "Jenny?"

The breathing stopped. She guessed she started holding her breath.

She knocked again. "Jenny, I'm going to come in."

She tried to open the door. The lock wasn't on but it didn't budge. "Open the door."

"Just give it a bit of a push. The door sticks."

"Oh."

She gave the door an extra shove.

She almost took a step back when she saw Jenny sitting in the bathtub, almost fully clothed except for a torn off sleeve, needle and thread in hand trying to stitch an open wound closed.

"You're bleeding."

"Nicely observed."

"Come on," she said, pulling her up to perch on the end of the tub instead of in it. It gave Vastra better access to take over. "Have you cleaned it?"

"Why do you think I'm in the bath?"

"Because the door sticks."

Jenny almost laughed. "Be neat. I have enough ugly scars as it is."

"No you don't." In truth Vastra didn't think any part of Jenny could be described as ugly.  
Jenny winced and hissed as she got to work. At the sound of her pain Vastra dropped the needle. It swung and left thin red lines on the cotton shirt.

"Are you okay?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

"Ma'am, if you can't do this I'll just take my time in front of a mirror."

"No."

"You're not hurting me, if that's what you're worried about. I'm already hurt. It just has to sting a bit to fix. Please carry on so I don't have to."

She nodded and picked up the needle, replacing the lines with fingerprints.

"A waste of a perfectly good shirt."

"Don't make me laugh."

"All the times you've done this for me before, I may have underestimated how difficult it was."

"You didn't learn to sew as soon as you could hold a needle."

"Teach me some day."

"You're doing an alright job of it now."

"Are you going to tell me what happened?"

"I was out with a friend."

"And this friend stabbed you?"

"It was more of a reckless slash. And no, some bloke was starting on some lad in an alley. He couldn't have been more than fifteen. Probably only just got too big to chimney sweep."

"So you stepped in."

"It wasn't that bad."

"I'm sewing you together."

"You've come back worse."

"It's different."

"It isn't."

"This is going to hurt."

"What?" She asked before yelping, tears she'd been holding back finally falling. "What was that for?"

"Disinfectant."

"I hate you."

She wiped away the tears with a clean patch of Jenny's discarded sleeve.

"No you don't. You were going to do it anyway."

"Help me up."

She stood up from her perch on the edge of the tub and pulled Jenny up by her good arm.

"Don't mess with it," she said when Jenny touched her recently closed cut.

  
"Will you change the dressing in the morning?"

"Anything you need."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's like. Way more to this. Might clean stuff up. Maybe.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just really like astronomy okay

Jenny took her hand.

"What are you doing?"

"What I'd want if I was seeing what you were seeing."

Vastra looked at her. Jenny wasn't paying attention, gaze fixed upwards. She let her hold her hand but didn't grip it back.

"I don't know what to feel."

Jenny didn't answer. What could she say?

"I feel like an alien."

"You're not."

"I know, but this planet isn't the same. I don't recognise anything. The stars are only meant to move with the seasons and come back the next year!" If Jenny wasn't mistaken she was sure she heard her voice waver.

"We can't really see them at home."

"That's no better."

Jenny let go of her hand. Vastra wished that if she was going to waste something like that she could have at least foregone gloves, chill be damned.

* * *

They sat on the front of the carriage (it was more comfortable and cleaner than the ground), still looking up.

"Do you know any of them?" Vastra asked eventually.

"I'm from London, ma'am. I didn't know this is what the sky looked like."

"Oh."

"I've never seen so many stars."

"There are more stars than there are grains of sand on this planet."

"That can't be true."

"I promise you it is. There are so many lives looking up at their skies too."

Jenny hesitated before climbing off of the seat to perch on the very top of the carriage.

  
"Is that safe?"

"Dunno. Hasn't broken yet." She leaned back on her elbows. "Would you go with the Doctor if you could?"

She looked behind her. "I would be lying if I said I wasn't tempted."

"Don't stay here ma'am." She sat back up to emphasize the seriousness of her words. "You shouldn't stay here."

"Jenny?"

"If you can help it, I mean. You should be somewhere you don't have to hide."

"I'm not hiding now."

"Well, no, but there's nobody here."

"Isn't there?"

"I don't count."

"Don't you?"

"Well, you've never hidden from me. This is just normal."

Vastra looked back at the sky as an excuse to look anywhere but at her companion. "When I was a girl I used to do this. Usually on my own though."

"I can go inside."

"Do you want to?"

"I was actually enjoying this."

"Really?"

"I wouldn't lie."

She hoisted herself up to sit beside her cross legged. "Then stay. If the roof caves in I'm blaming you."

"I didn't make you come up here." Vastra smiled. Jenny pointed to the brightest star in the sky. "That's the North Star," she began, choosing to talk about something other than the way her stomach span.

"I know that one."

"Yeah, I guess it's the easiest one. You can use it if you need to walk to Yorkshire I suppose."

"Perhaps learning star charts will be our next project."

"My mum knew some constellations." Vastra didn't reply but her silence felt more like an invitation to continue rather than ignorance. "I don't remember any of them." She drew in a shaky breath. "Me, my brother, and my sister, though she was really little mind, used to make up our own. Mad what you can see when you're a kid." She drew her knees towards her. "I don't remember any of those either."

"They don't deserve you." Jenny shrugged. "What did you do?"

Vastra watched her hands twitch before crossing her arms tightly. She made herself smaller.

"Doesn't matter."

"I've upset you."

"Not you."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is entirely self indulgent from a modern au I keep saying I'll do but haven't lol
> 
> It's literally all dialogue for the sake of getting one very unfunny joke out of my system

"Jenny."

"Why are you using your serious voice?"

"Because I have a serious question for you."

"Is it about later?"

"Yes. And I really should have asked earlier."

"Ask."

"I have a human disguise. It doesn't last long and doesn't hold up with fast or difficult movement, but for short periods of time without much activity it'd be impossible for an average person to tell me apart from a real human."

"Why has this never come up before?"

"Its never been useful before."

"We could have driven during the day. All you'd be doing is sitting."

"I was worried you'd prefer the way I looked."

"Would you prefer the way I looked if it was the other way round?"

"Well, no, but-"

"You're fine the way you are, love. Couldn't imagine waking up next to someone who wasn't green."

"Thank you."

"But maybe use it. Just until I get them sitting down and you introduced. We'll hit them with us being together then you'll take off the disguise. It'll either make you being a woman a non-issue and they'll focus on the whole lizard thing, or they'll still be so upset that their daughter really is 'that way' and not be too affected by your species. Win-win."

"You're not holding out much hope that they'll take kindly to this."

"You don't know my parents."

"I'll get myself ready."

* * *

"That's so weird."

"Do I look okay?"

"If I didn't know better I wouldn't look twice at you on the street."

"Thanks," she said sarcastically.

"I didn't mean it like that. You're a very attractive human. Maybe I spoke too soon about liking you green... Relax I'm joking, I'm joking. You do make a pretty human though."

"Thank you."

"God it's weird though." She inspected her from multiple angles. "You still look like you. I'd be able to recognise that it's you. Can I try something?"

"Okay."

Jenny flicked her ear. Her finger phased right through, she yelped and drew her hand back. "Weird."

"It's a disguise. It doesn't give me strange appendages I don't already have, just pretends they're there."

"You think my ears are strange?"

"I think all ears are strange. Thin skin cups to catch sound. Very odd."

"When you put it like that I suppose they are a bit odd."

"... Are you sure you don't prefer me like this?"

"Remember when I made you watch the first two Shrek films?"

"The peak of your human entertainment, yes."

"At the end of Shrek 2 Fiona chooses to be with the real Shrek, that's who she fell for."

"Jenny, I appreciate the sentiment, but did you just compare me to Shrek?"

"... You _are_ green and misunderstood."

"How long have you been sitting on that?"

"'Round about the second time you came here."

"That's a long time to wait to compare me to Shrek."

"I needed to know you'd understand it. That means I needed you to watch both of them and take it in. It was worth it."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I. Love. Tom. Foster. I realise now that this makes it seem like I actually hate him but that's not the case at all, I love him so much

Tom rocked on his heels, his lanky arms swaying behind him while the rest of him went forward. He was used to far more economical uses of time when out in markets. Stonn knew exactly what he wanted and where to get it and while Jenny was much the same she _talked_ to people and _knew their names_.

"-and then I said 'you should have checked the auger'." Whoever Jenny was speaking to burst into laughter. Perhaps they were already laughing and the apparent punchline just amplified things.

"Tom? Tom! Hello!"

"What? Oh, hello Jenny."

"You disappeared for a bit then. You okay?"

"I've never taken this long to shop."

"You can always go home."

"You invited me out."

"I thought it might be nice to spend more time with you. Our groups can't do it together because there'd be some kind of fight and I'm not visiting the three of you on my own. Stonn and Vella would gang up on me and I'd have to call Vastra who'd bring Strax who'd bring explosives."

"I see your point."

"If you're bored we can go to the tea room. Madame and I know them, sorted out a problem, they'll give us a room. Only if you want to. Might be nice."

"How do you know so many people?"

"Madame asked me the same thing. Not everyone is bad. You're a posh boy, everyone you grew up with was probably out for themselves. Only cared about what _they_ had and how to get more of it. When you're on the street we look out for each other."

"I need financial security."

"You don't get it. Do you want to go or not?"  
"I would like to sit."

"Good. My treat."

"I should hope so."

* * *

"They cleared a room for you?"

"It's embarrassing I know but they insist."

"You are a dark horse, Jenny."

Her eyebrows twitched upwards and she smiled like a fish hook. "I'm a lot of things, picture boy."

"I'm an artist."

"And a crook."

"I don't handle any of the money, I just take pictures."

"You know that's just as bad. I could still turn you in."

"You wouldn't."

"No, but I could."

"What happened to you being a criminal? I thought you had some kind of honour amongst thieves."

" _I_ do."

"And just what are you implying?"

"That for your next scheme maybe don't prey on people in mourning. I'm all for taking what rich folks don't need, but don't be unethical."

Tom rolled his eyes and leaned his weight on his elbow. "'Ethics'. We aren't killing anyone."

"People _did_ die, Tom."

"We didn't kill them."

"I think you need to accept some responsibility."

"I didn't do anything!"

"Keep your voice down."

"I didn't do anything." He stirred some sugar into his tea. "You don't have any right to-"

"I'm not telling you off."

"Good."

"But I do think you need to be more responsible. Stonn and Vella won't be, and Stonn might listen to you."

"Stonn does listen to me. Perhaps you should stop projecting on to me." He sipped his tea and froze, not reacting to the pain in his mouth.

"Too hot?"

He swallowed. He really should have waited. "You're not funny."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I like to think Jenny pressures Vastra to act like a grown up because SOMEONE had to be sensible someone has to force her to handle anything resembling emotions

"So."

"What?"

"Jenny insists I speak to you."

"About?"

"I don't know. She thinks having you around is good for me."

"That's never been true."

Despite herself Vastra smirked. "I know. You're a horrible influence."

"Does she know you get that wicked streak from me?"

"I will have you know that wicked streak is entirely mine. You just had the poor sense to encourage it."

* * *

"Of all the people to be awake at the same time as me."

"I know."

"Almost worse than being alone."

"It must be, since even I didn't know about you.I should have known, Vella."

"Why would I tell you I was here? You're off... Fraternising with sontarans and apes. Entirely assimilated."

"I hate to point this out to you but you are also fraternising with _humans_ and sontarans."

"I'm not married to one."

"Try it some time."

"Is yours available?"

"Not funny."

"I'm not like you. I don't... Socialise. I don't want a human. I want our home."

"I am home. Even... Even if I could, I would not go back."

"Would you not even be tempted?"

"Of course, but it was not perfect."

"We weren't alone."

"We aren't here, you have Stonn and Mr. Foster and I _know_ you care for them. Though you did allow me to think I was the only one of us here. That was cruel of you."

"What would you have me do? Come to that hovel in Cheapside when your maid was away? I know exactly what you would have said."

"You couldn't possibly."

"Couldn't I?" She cleared her throat. "'Of all our people to be awake it had to be you, Vella. You look terrible, by the way.'" Vastra straightened up at the pitch perfect impression of herself. "You would not have been pleased to see me."

"I may not have been entirely... Welcoming, but it would have been nice to know you were okay."

"Pfft, had I come any sooner your human wouldn't have liked it."

"Why ever not?" she asked, pretending to be oblivious, only to receive a withering look. "Fine. I know what you're trying to imply, but she doesn't get jealous. Trust me, I've tried."

"Yes. You've always been the jealous one. Very pretty, that human of yours."

* * *

"I don't hate you," Vella admitted after a period or uncomfortable silence.

"I know."

"Don't be cocky."

"Coming from you?"

"You always liked it."

She laughed. "I did. We did cause trouble, didn't we?"

Vella looked away. "I don't miss you." Vastra leaned back against her seat and frowned, offended. It felt honest. "I know we were never... Like you and her. And I didn't want- you didn't either. But we cared about each other."

"She finally admits it."

"Don't mock me while I'm extending the branch- is that the human term? I've heard Tom say it."

"Yes it is."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just like angsty talking-but-not-really-talking-but-also-absolutely-talking

If Vastra could not be angry at Jenny she would be angry at herself and at the world. So much so that she could not feel the pain pulsing in her knuckles as she repeatedly took it all out on the punching bag. She didn't enjoy the sensation of being angry. Once it had made her feel righteous and _young_ , now it felt very much like the mistake it would inevitably lead to. Jenny didn't make her feel young.

She tried to be angry with Jenny, very hard. If she could not hate her then she would hate herself.

She had stopped sleeping with her. Jenny, to her credit, had not said anything about this. Perhaps sensing her turmoil. She could not yet bring herself to cut ties with the girl entirely. Eventually, she reassured herself. Eventually she would make her mean nothing to her. Better that way. She wasn't going to encourage Jenny's dangerous behaviour anymore, she never should have in the first place.

If it meant teaching herself to be angry, so be it, she would-

"Ma'am?" came a small voice from the doorway, immediately soothing her. "Ma'am?" she repeated, despite knowing she'd been heard the first time.

"Can I help you?" She tried to sound sharp but she just sounded tired.

"I'm worried about you."

She struck the bag again, but it was half-hearted. "Don't."

"You haven't spoken to me in days."

"Go upstairs, Jenny."

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"If you won't talk to me talk to the Doctor. Or Jack. Anyone really."

"You are not my nanny."

Had Vastra been looking at her she would have seen her flinch at her words. For the best, she would not have been able to maintain her bad mood were she looking at Jenny.

"And you ain't a child but here we are."

Vastra put her hand against the bag to halt the swinging. "Touché."

Jenny approached her and took her hand from the bag. "If you're going to have a tantrum you really ought to wrap your hands properly."

She hissed.

"Oi!"

She stopped.

"You ain't gonna scare me off."

"I know. You are foolish."

"And you ain't?"

"No."

"You can't just strop forever."

"I'm not stropping. Don't patronise me."

"All the times you've patronised me and now you have a problem when someone does it back? Tell me if this hurts." She pressed her knuckles.

"Ow! Jenny!"

"You know better than this."

"I know."

"I know what this is about."

"Jenny..."

"It's fine. I'm just worried about you, ma'am."

"You don't look yourself."

"Trouble sleeping. It's fine."

"Me too." She felt frustrated. If she had hair she imagined she'd run a hand through it messily the way Jenny did when she was frustrated. "You're ruining everything."

"I know."

"I came down here to be angry, furious even. I cannot do that with you near."

"You shouldn't say that like it's a bad thing."

"But it's you. I don't understand it."

"If it were really so awful you would have fired me by now. Goodness knows you better do it soon because if you keep acting like this I'll pack my bags myself."

"Perhaps that would be better."

"Vastra!"

"I do not want to feel these things for you!"

"Nobody does! You don't ask to-" She stopped herself, her eyes huge as they looked at Vastra. Vastra nodded in understanding. "-to care for someone you great green idiot!" Were things not so tense Vastra would have been amused by how quickly she slipped back into telling her off. "God, you're so selfish. It's the same for me. You think it's easy? You brooding about all this, having to hide away, not being able to... To... I don't even know what I'm too angry to think."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, for whatever reason, Tom and Jenny have to go undercover as a perfectly respectable couple

"I don't like this."

"Jealous?" She waggled her eyebrows.

"Of Mr. Foster? Never." She tipped her chin up and leaned towards her. "I am, however, concerned about his performance."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"That you, my darling lover, are a terrible actress, but I fear he may be even worse at feigning an interest in you."

"Oi!"

"And how foolish of him to pick Stonn over you."

"He and I make a perfectly respectable pair." Vastra didn't manage to catch her bark of laughter before it got out. "Oi!"

"You might look perfectly respectable but the moment you open that mouth of yours the illusion is shattered."

"You like that I'm from rough ends."

"That might be true, it doesn't make it any less fun to tease you about it."

"Just admit you like that I'm an urchin."

"You are prickly. Should I restrict Strax's chimney duties so you have something familiar to occupy yourself with?"

She smacked her with the nearest cushion. "I was never a sweep and you know it."

"Of course, that was legitimate employment."

She smacked her again. "Without my checkered past you wouldn't know what to do."

"My petty criminal."

"You mean _Tom's_."

She hissed. "Don't joke about that. He could do better."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We love married couples bullying each other we stan


	10. Chapter 10

"I still want a dog," said Jenny over her drink. It was a terrible brew but she wouldn't say anything. Vastra responded better to positive reinforcement and if she was ever going to coax her into making a truly decent cup of tea she was going to need a lot of it. The faster she finished it the faster it was gone.

"I'm not buying you a dog." It was dismissive. She was too busy enjoying her drink, it was probably her best yet. Jenny seemed to be enjoying it at least.

"Never said you would."

"Why do you want one so much?"

"Always have done. One of the boys I knew when I was younger had one. Doted on him. He was well looked after that dog. Even sat and combed fleas out every weekend. Always liked him. He's gone now. Got sick and didn't make it through winter, dog went soon after. Used to give him any scraps I could until he went. Poor thing."

"I forget sometimes what life must have been like before."

"I got by."

"You shouldn't have to just get by."

"I found you."

"You stole from me you mean."

"It was only a purse, wasn't even real silk you cheapskate, you wouldn't have missed it."

"It was the principal of the thing. I didn't know it wasn't real until you told me."

"Yeah, well, some of us have an eye for these things. Do you want it back?"

"No. I'm charitable."

"So I'm charity now?"

"What do you mean 'now'?"

She shoved her, despite knowing that due to their position any shove against her would directly affect her too.

"Jenny my love, is this a game you really want to be playing so soon before we're meant to leave?"

"You know we don't absolutely have to have sex. You could just play with me."

"You want to... Play?"

"Yeah."

"You hate boardgames. You refuse to play chess with me even though you're very good at it."

"Because it's boring. And I'm not good, you're just really bad."

"No, I'm good, you're just that much better than me."

"You don't need to flatter me, you know."

"But I like to."

"And I like you to, but I might _really_ be flattered if you were actually good at chess. Who told you you were good?"

"Well, nobody."

"So you just assumed you were good?"

"Educated assumption."

"Christ."


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eeeeueuugg i don't necessarily like or think any of this is Correct or Right or whatever I just think jenny's loves to make fun of her wife
> 
> Anyway ye Jenny and Clara chatting bc they're humans hanging out with non humans a lot and they have things in common I suppose

"How do you have the time in the morning to do your hair like that?"

Jenny looked down and could feel herself blushing. "Ah, well, the thing is, I don't. If you see my hair up in anything nicer than something I can do in two seconds it was probably Vastra who did it."

"You're kidding."

"She likes my hair. I think it gives her an excuse to touch it."

"When I walked in on the two of you-"

"Don't, I'm still embarrassed."

"Did she do your hair then?"

"Well yes but I thought she was painting. If I'd known she just wanted me to look nice I might not have let her. It's not a very practical style. I should have known better, she likes _looking_ at art more than making it."

"How did she learn? It's not like she can practice on herself."

"If I tell you anything you must promise not to mention it to her."

"Scout's honour." She would absolutely talk to the Doctor about it.

"In the early days she asked me to stay up with her. Now this is really early days back when we were in Cheapside. I'd done all the housework, gone shopping, and trained with her that day, so I was knackered. But she asked me to stay up and well... I really fancied her, and she was my boss, so I did. I started to doze off. I slumped against her. I don't know what brought it on but she undid my hair. I think she must have remembered me saying it starts to hurt if you leave it up for too long."

"Been there."

"Then my hair started getting in the way so she put it in a loose plait. It took her a while to figure out but I let her. Pretended to be asleep. It was nice. After that we both sort of came up with excuses for me to stay up too late and needing help with my hair." She laughed to herself. "At some point she insisted that she needed to plait my hair before we trained or sparred."

"How long did I take for you to actually get together?"

Jenny blushed again and cleared her throat. "Depends what you mean by that."

Clara, suddenly, looked thrilled. "You're joking. But you're so... so... _Victorian_. Especially her. But," she lowered her voice to a faux-whisper, "sleeping together? Before you were even an item? How twenty-first century of you."

"It was an accident. It just sort of... Happened. And we just never talked about it but it kept happening."

"How did you finally become a real couple?"

She sucked her teeth to try to hide her smile. "Now you really mustn't tell anyone this. She'd probably kill me."

"Now I have to know."

"She went to Paris for a week without telling me. She left a note but I woke up one morning and she wasn't here. When she came back I really bit her head off. Very improper of me but I was really upset. I wouldn't have stopped her but she should have told me she was going away. I thought something happened."

"Then what?"

"She stood there and took it. I was really mad, she thinks she likes it when women lose their temper but she really doesn't. I'd never blown up at anyone like that."

"Really? I would've thought she'd argue back."

"Normally she would, but this was different. After I laid into her she gave me her hat and coat and apologised before she asked me to have tea with her in the drawing room. She sat quietly for a while and wouldn't look at me. I assumed I was about to lose my job."

"Then what?"

"She told me she thought we were being daft. That we were already basically a couple but hadn't talked about it. I'd pretty much been moved into her room for a year by that point. And she said, and I quote, 'we need to start acting like adults about this, either we admit we both have feelings for each other or we stop this silly arrangement.'"

"And what did you say?'

"I was still in a mood with her. So I told her she was assuming a lot to say both of us."

"That was cruel!"

"Yeah she went real quiet."

"And then?"

"She told me she was sorry for making the assumption then respectfully asked me to move back into my old room."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. I've never seen her pout like that."

"She doesn't seem the pouting sort."

"Trust me, she is."

"So did you move out?"

"Of course not. She tried to slink off, pretend she wasn't as upset as she was. I stopped her of course. Told her that she was right. That was hard actually."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's not easy for people like me. Dangerous. I got kicked out of home. I got lucky with madame. Even without the two of us being as we are, she wouldn't chuck me out, most other people would."

"I know it doesn't help now, but things do change. It does get better."

"Really?"

"It's still not perfect, but we're getting there."

"She gets upset because I won't let her meet my parents. I said I'll invite them 'round but they can't know about us. She doesn't like the whole pretence when we actually have to do it, only when it's funny. She doesn't know what it's like the way I do- and don't get me wrong now I'm glad for that, I really am, I'm glad nobody ever treated her different or gave her any hassle, and I like when she tells people I'm spoken for and she sounds like she's gloating, but my family have already cast me out. I don't want to know what they'd think if they knew she and I got married."

"I'm sorry Jenny."

"What you apologising for? You ain't done nothing."

"Christ you sounded cockney then."

"Sorry, slips out sometimes."

"It's fine, you don't need to apologise."

"She couldn't understand a word I said for the first three months we knew each other. English isn't her first language see, and when the TARDIS stopped translating automatically for her she had a hard time. Once, after she could finally mostly parse what I was saying, we were out and we ran into some people I know. She doesn't understand rhyming at all. She demanded to know why I didn't tell her I could speak another language."


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the most self indulgent thing ever. Nobody but me will enjoy this 😝✌️

The bell rang, which was unusual. Vastra looked up from the counter. The woman who had rushed in clearly did not belong, she was wearing a knitted hat.

"Alright there? I'll give you a hundred quid if you let me hide in your back room."

"Excuse me?"

"Hundred fifty then. Yes? Thanks!" She vaulted over the counter- completely unnecessarily, she could have stepped around it, and hid herself in the back room.

Vastra was stunned. _A hundred and fifty pounds though..._

The bell rang again, this time to a man in a police uniform.

"Excuse me. You work here?"

"Are you speaking to me?" She deliberately clipped her voice. Human law enforcement uniforms were terrible.

"Is there anyone else here?"

"... No."

"Did you see a woman pass this way? Short, scruffy-looking."

 _She certainly isn't tall, I'll give him that_ she thought "In this part of town?"

"Is that a no?"

"I haven't seen anything."

"Do you have CCTV outside the shop? We might come back with a warrant for it."

"No."

"You really should get some installed. If you see anything, give us a call."

"Yes, officer."

Vastra waited a few minutes before going to the door and flipping the sign to 'closed'. "He's gone."

The scruffy-looking girl came out. "Thanks for that. I owe you one."

"One hundred and fifty, to be precise."

"Yeah about that..."

"He can't have gotten far, I'm sure I can catch up with him."

"How do you feel about weekly instalments?"

"You shouldn't make promises you can't keep."

"To be fair, I'm obviously a criminal. You should know better than to take me at my word."

"You owe me."

"Okay fine. You did help me out. I've got twenty on me now. And a pirate Oyster Card. That's worth something."

"I don't use the underground."

"I had to pick the one person in London who wouldn't get any use out of that."

"Who are you? Why did the police want you?"

"Jenny. I, uh... So. Well. It's kind of ridiculous."

"I want to know what kind of criminal I just protected."

"I broke into someone's house. Didn't realise they installed an alarm."

"You broke into someone's house?"

"Yes but only to take back what's mine."

"What did you take?"

"Well, I'm suddenly realising how appropriate it is that I ran into a florist."

"Exotic plants dealer."

"What?"

"I'm not a florist. I'm an exotic plant dealer."

"Sure." _Rich people_ she thought, desperately trying to stop herself from rolling her eyes.

"What did you steal?"

She opened her bag and pulled out two vacuum wrapped blocks. "About a kilogram of weed."

"Weed?"

"You know. Drugs. Illegal drugs."

"You know you can buy that."

"Yeah. From me. I'm the guy you buy it from."

"And your... Stock, as it were, was stolen and you took it back?"

"Exactly."

"I'm sensing a dubious legality about you."

"Things are only illegal if you get caught."

"And what happens when you get caught?"

"If."

"If."

"I'll be alright. I'm always alright. See you around."

"What about the money?"

"You'll get it!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is NOTHING funnier to me than jenny being the local weedman can I fucking live
> 
> One day I'll mindlessly self indulge Ind finish this but not today!


	13. Chapter 13

"Are they asleep?"

Stonn was inspecting his nails. "Looks that way."

"So they really are together." Vella glanced at his nails too, trying to ascertain if they really were more interesting than what was before them. "Strange."

"I thought it was a ruse to win Tom over."

Vella laughed. "It could still be. She's very committed to an image."

"How would you know?"

In the midst of their separate discussion the subjects of said discussion had woken up. "How did you get in!?" Vastra, rather sweetly, attempted to put an arm in front of Jenny in a dual attempt at saving whatever modesty they had left but really to create a barrier to stop her leaping forward and unleashing fury. They had just tidied the room.

"Get out. Now." Vella almost laughed. Jenny in bedclothes was perhaps the least intimidating thing she'd ever seen.

"We came to talk."

She was physically keeping Jenny back with her arm by this point. "You can wait in the drawing room. Don't touch anything."

* * *

"Strax!" Vastra yelled after she was fairly sure Jenny had calmed to a simmer. A simmer that spiked at the sound of thundering followed by a shattering.

"Madame?"

"Double lock all the doors and windows. When the locksmith opens I want you to go and get the locks changed."

"Yes ma'am."

* * *

Vastra put her hand on Jenny's back. "I'm fine. I was just surprised."

"I know." The last time anyone came uninvited into their home Jenny died. "I still think about it too."

"I'm not-"

"I know you are."

"Sorry."

"What have I told you about apologising?"

"I should be over it."

"Jenny, two very dangerous people got into our home and observed us at the foot of our bed."

"Three if we count Tom, they probably left him downstairs."

"I said dangerous. I was scared for a moment too."

"I don't like it when you're scared."

"Well, I wasn't," she lied. "I just said it to make you feel better." Jenny relaxed some. "I won't let anything happen to us."

"We should probably see what they want."

"I'll help you dress."

"Isn't it supposed to be the other way round?"

"I'll wear my old clothes. We don't have to keep up appearances for them."

"Dressing up for Vella?"

"You think you're so funny but you're actually just very mean."

"Thank you."

"It wasn't a compliment but you are welcome."

"What can I wear then?"

"I haven't seen you in your old training clothes in a while, you look nice in those. Just don't look too much like my maid, it'll give them far to much to tease us with."

"I thought you liked that old outfit."

"That was before I realised it was a uniform and not what you chose."

"You still liked it."

"I didn't like the cap."


	14. Chapter 14

"Don't wake up."

"Why are you carrying me?"

"You were asleep on the sofa. Terrible for your back."

"Oh. This is nice."

"Go back to sleep, my sweet." Were she not sure she was so close to sleep she wouldn't remember the term of endearment she wouldn't have said it. The slip up with 'my dear' was bad enough, she had to ride it out and continue to use it. She had to own it. Justifying it by telling herself it wasn't such a bad thing that Jenny knew she was dear to her.

"Are you still awake?" she asked very quietly. No response. Good. Unfortunately it meant that she couldn't enlist her help to open her door. It was a delicate affair, trying to work the handle without disturbing her maid, but she did it. She was very good after all.

She laid her on her bed and removed her shoes and apron, putting them in their appropriate places. Jenny had finally house-trained her.

What she really wanted to do was take down her hair. It couldn't be good to sleep with it like that. All pinned up.

Some strands had come loose. She was beautiful and Vastra used to hate it about her. She used to hate a lot of things. Hated that she could only glance at her human and feel something, she hated that she considered her 'her human', she hated that Jenny would never or could never feel the way she felt. Perhaps this was her real punishment. Hate didn't come as easily anymore, it hardly came at all. It felt wasteful. This... Affection for Jenny didn't feel wasteful. She liked it even. Despite knowing the reality, she really enjoyed the way Jenny made her feel. No, no, this couldn't be a punishment.

"You strange little thing."

* * *

"Good morning Jenny," she said over the paper.

"Morning ma'am. Sorry I'm up so late, it won't happen again."

"Jenny, in all the time I've known you, you have never been up after me. It's fine. I do not care what hours you keep, just that you're here."

"Shall I make tea?"

"Only if you'll sit with me."

"Is that an invitation?"

"This is your home too."

"Yes, but I'm still just the maid."

One day she'd fire her, but only when she knew she could get away with it. If she tried now she'd get such an earful. She caught herself smiling at the thought of Jenny's temper. She'd completely lost her place in the paper. It couldn't have been that interesting anyway.

"Ma'am? You there?"

"Jenny. Yes. Hello. I was in my own thoughts for a moment there."

"Everything okay?"

"Everything is okay."


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just hanging out after demons run super chill casual and cool

Vastra grabbed her by the shoulder and pulled her into a hug. She placed one hand on the back of her head, doubtlessly messing up her hair. The hug was tight but not uncomfortable or suffocating and Jenny returned it in kind.

Jenny felt her press a kiss to the side of her head. She tightened the hold she had on her employer, grateful for the lack of required propriety, before letting her go, maintaining a hold on her hand.

"What brought that on?"

"Today was... Today was a hard day. If I had known what it held I wouldn't have let you come. I wouldn't have asked. I saw you with Amy afterwards."

"Couldn't just leave her alone after what happened with her baby."

"I know. Are you alright, my dear?"

"I'd quite like to get some rest."

"Would you mind if I came with you?"

"You're being awfully clingy."

"Sorry."

"Don't apologise, I'm teasing. It's nice," she said before linking their arms. "I like you in this outfit," she said to take the edge off.

"You do?"

"Haven't I said?"

"No. You do stare a lot though." She laughed. It felt strange to laugh on a now empty battlefield, but that didn't stop her.

* * *

"You know I love you, don't you Jenny?"

"You do?"

"Surely you know."

"I didn't. I knew you cared. Obviously. I just always assumed this was... I don't know."

"Perhaps I should have been clearer. This shouldn't be a surprise to you."

"I love you too."

"You do?" Now that was a surprise.

"Come on detective, this shouldn't be a surprise to you. I was the one who came on to you."

"And then avoided me for two weeks."

"I wasn't avoiding you."

"You were just conveniently where I wasn't."

"Precisely. It was your fault."

"Sit with me."

"You're being oddly affectionate today."

She cleared her throat. "I'd like to be more... like this. I don't like you being my maid. I know you have to pretend around other people, that _we_ have to pretend, but I don't want you to actually be my maid."

"What's bothering you?"

"Well, I don't suit having one, I can take care of myself perfectly well and as much as I enjoy certain benefits of your human class system I can't say I truly understand or approve of it."

"That was very well rehearsed and I'm sure it's all true, but what's the real reason?"

"The girl who died. The soldier. She reminded me of you. All I could think about was what would happen if the battle... If we weren't so successful, kidnapping of a child aside. Not that we could ever have prevented that."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"When you say 'love'-"

"I know what it means."

"But-"

"Jenny, I know what it means."


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is so all over the place but I had to get rid of it so i can stop looking at it

"I don't like Stonn," announced Strax over tea, apropos of nothing.

Vastra nodded to Jenny, silently asking her to subtly remove valuables from his vicinity. "I thought you'd be thrilled that there was another sontaran in London."

"Do you like Vella?" he shot back.

"I haven't decided yet."

Jenny bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from laughing. "She's very pretty."

"Jenny."

"For a silurian."

"Jenny!"

"Do you think she looked younger than you or was that just me?" She leaned on the back of the sofa and twirled a lock in her fingers.

"You're being needlessly cruel. Please don't have an affair with Vella. I'd prefer if you didn't have an affair with anyone but I'd be especially upset if it was with her."

"I'll do my best but if I can't make any promises. There's something about how green and moody she is."

"You're already married to a silurian, aren't I enough?"

"That was before I had more than one to choose from."

"Sometimes I worry this isn't a joke and you really will divorce me."

"I never said I was joking."

Strax grunted. "If you two are going to continue... I don't know what you're doing but I don't like it... I will be excused if we are not going to strategize against our enemy."

Jenny laughed and returned to her seat. "We'll stop. By 'strategize' do you mean complain about them?"

"That's phase one."

"I quite like Tom." Vastra rolled her eyes. Of course she liked Tom. "He reminds me of my brother." Vastra made a mental note to ask about her brother, but not now.

"A human and a sontaran." She took a sip as an excuse to pause dramatically. "How bizarre."

"No more bizarre than a human and a silurian." She felt like she ought to defend Tom somehow.

"I disagree. Our people have a lot in common. We're not even so far removed that our species can't produce healthy offspring together, we're both from the same planet. Sontarans however... Well my love can you imagine Strax and, well, anyone?" She said it as if he wasn't well within earshot. As in, directly opposite her no more than two meters away.

"Just because they're clones doesn't mean they're all the same." And now she felt like she ought to defend Strax.

"Tom was a rather handsome fellow. I'm sure he could find someone else."

"Maybe he doesn't want to. He got all excited when I told him we were married."

"He wants to marry Stonn?"

"I liked Vella," interrupted Strax mercifully before that can of worms could be opened.

"Nobody asked, Strax."

"Don't be rude."

Strax either ignored, brushed off, or didn't understand that he was being insulted. "You could learn some things from her madame."

"Excuse me?"

"She doesn't have a foolish emotional attachment to the human in their group."

"Strax!"

Maybe she didn't need to defend him actually. "You make an excellent point Strax, in fact Madame and I have been considering a divorce. I'll be moving out over the weekend."

"What?"

"What?"

"We have?" She knew she could forget important things but she was almost absolutely certain she wouldn't miss something like that.

"Since it's such a poor strategic move for us to be married, a foolish human custom mind you, I'll be leaving. Of course if you need me for anything I'll make sure I'm available, for a fee of course. Strictly business."

"You're leaving?"

"Yes. You can use my old room as weapons storage."

"But. It is your room."

"Not any more, Commander. Do with it what you will," she was lying, true, but she immediately realised her mistake in saying that and almost didn't have enough air left in her lungs to correct herself in the same sentence, "as long as madame says it's okay."

"You can't leave."

"And why not?"

"... Madame will be in a bad mood if you aren't around."

"She can channel that into glorious battle." She raised her fist up as if she was holding Yorik and trying crush him. Next time Vastra wanted to take her to the globe she was going to have to think of some excuse to get out of it.

"I'll miss you."

"What was that?" She held her position but her fingers relaxed. Vastra thought it ruined the entire pose. Her wife could not act to save her life, and she should know, she's tried.

"I'll miss you, boy."

"Sounds like you have a foolish emotional attachment."

"So we aren't getting divorced?"

"Of course we aren't."

Vastra exhaled a sigh of relief. "Of course."

"Subterfuge and deception... Perhaps you chose a good mate after all."

"High praise, Commander."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 👀👀
> 
> Spaghetti everywhere


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "i bet jenny could beat you in a fight"
> 
> "no"
> 
> "I bet she could"
> 
> "I literally had her pinned"
> 
> "i double dare you to fight my wife"
> 
> "shit a double dare? damn okay"

"This is a really bad idea."

"You'll be fine," she said while she wrapped her hands. Jenny was perfectly capable of doing it herself but Vastra seemed to enjoy doing it for her. Neither of them could see, but Vella risked blindness with the strength of her eyeroll.

"I know. I'll win, that's why it's a bad idea."

Vastra pulled her lips in. Jenny's sense of pride was dangerous but very attractive. She should probably discourage it. "I guarantee she'll be more polite after you beat her."

"Or she'll be embarrassed she was beaten by a human."

"I wasn't."

"That was different. You were just thrilled to have me on top of you."

"Yes, there was that."

"Vella isn't quite so fond of me."

* * *

"This is going to be an honourable, fair, fight," Vastra warned.

"We really don't have to do this Vella."

"I already agreed to this."

"Okay, I warned you though."

* * *

"Oof- what?"

"I'm really well trained."

She hissed. "Impossible."

"I told you she was good."

She offered her hand out to her. "If it's any consolation-"

"Don't patronise me."

She continued regardless. "- I've had more practice against highly trained silurians than you have humans. If it wasn't for Vastra I wouldn't have stood a chance against you."

"That isn't it."

"Oh?"

"You have good instincts. Perhaps I should not have underestimated you. And you've been influenced by more than just your madame."

"I'd love to do this again some time, perhaps without the competition though. And I know I'd like to see a real silurian sparring match."

Vella glanced at Vastra who suddenly seemed to be enjoying herself a lot less. "I'll fight you again, but not her."

"Are you two still in moods?"

"I wouldn't learn anything from her."

"You might learn some patience. Or respect."

"Hush you. Sorry, she can be rude but she doesn't mean it. You have a better right hook than her."

"She does?"

Vella smirked. That was a sixty-five million year argument finally settled.

Jenny stretched her arms. "Ow- oh. You got me good. I liked this shirt."

"You're bleeding." Vella didn't feel guilty. She felt... Something else. But she didn't feel bad. Not at all. She would _never_.

"It's fine. It's just a graze. You did more damage to the shirt than me- oi, Vastra, calm down."

"I'm calm."

"No you ain't."

"You're hurt."

"Need I remind you of the time you knocked me out?"

"That was different."

"Or the time you dislocated my finger?"

"You dislocated her finger?"

"It was an accident," Jenny explained, feeling like she had to make it clear Vastra hadn't done it deliberately for some reason.

"I did feel terrible at the time."

"It wasn't even in a fight, she just took a teacup from me while I was still holding it."

"Oh she did yelp when I relocated it."

"It hurt."

"You were very brave."

"It was a nice week off work." Jenny put her shoes back on and handed Vella's to her. "She wouldn't let me do anything."

"You were injured."

"I did think my career as a thief was over."

That was interesting. "Thief?"

"Jenny was a very fine criminal once."

"Still am when I need to be."

"Seems counter to the Great Detective."

Vastra seemed unusually bashful. Vella had never seen that before. "I didn't choose the name."

"Don't make an effort to shed it though, eh?"

"You're just as much of a detective as I am, my love."

"Maybe so, but I don't go around boasting about it."

"I don't boast."

"You boast. Vella, I swear if we weren't already married she'd be constantly telling me about all the cases she's solved and crimes thwarted."

"That wouldn't be boasting I'd be trying to impress you."

"It would be boasting. You'd annoy me and I'd rob you blind."

"Then I'd detect that you robbed me and have you arrested."

"You'd never do that you like me too much."

"I'd break you out afterwards. At the very least I'd make sure you had means of escape."


	18. Chapter 18

"What do you mean you can't dance?"

"Exactly that."

"We're going to a ball you're going to have to dance."

"Can't we use the mourning excuse again? That always works."

"Worked," she corrected, "it's been two years, people are starting to talk."

"He was the love of my life I still need time."

"I'm not sure that's going to work at a ball. You have an image to uphold and people are going to expect you to dance with them."

"Who?"

"Men of slightly lower standing looking for a way up the social ladder I assume."

"I'll just lift my veil it'll be fine."

"Or you could just say more than two words to them. That'll get rid of anyone without causing a riot."

"You might be on to something."

"Funny. Now, do you want to learn to dance or not?"

"I feel like you're not giving me a choice."

"I feel you'd prefer not to make a fool of yourself. Now, give my your hand."

"You're not going to teach me are you?"

"I don't see anyone else here."

"Fine." She did as she was told and took Jenny's hand, placing her own on top.  
"Normally, if it were you and I dancing our hands would be the other way around, because you're taller than me."

"Why aren't we doing that then?"

Jenny grabbed her waist as she answered. "Because you won't be leading at this dance, I'm just teaching you what you'll need to know to not make a fool out of yourself."

"Why won't I be leading?"

"Because you'll be dancing with men."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Men lead in dances."

"Then how do you know how to?"

Jenny felt herself blush and her shoulders tense. "You're not the first person I've had to teach."

"And here I was, thinking I was special."

Jenny laughed. "Try not to look at my feet. You'll know where we're going." Vastra nodded. Her expression was tense, she was focussing very hard on the task at hand.  
Vastra was a very quick study. Jenny was happy in the knowledge that she wouldn't make a complete fool of herself. Jenny released her and Vastra, momentarily, looked at her with confusion.

"Okay, that's it. Now you know how to dance."

"Are you sure?"

"Am I sure?"

"It's just that I'd hate to make a fool of myself. Perhaps I should learn how to lead. You know how I like to be thorough."

"When will you ever need to know that?"

"I need a fuller understanding of the ritual."

"Fine. Give me your hands."

She took her hands and placed them in the appropriate positions, doing her best to ignore how much she liked the sensation of feeling Vastra holding her, or how much she liked resting her own hand on her shoulder.  
"Okay. Same thing again except I'm the one doing everything backwards."

"Why does it feel like you're still leading."

"Because I am, it just doesn't look like it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Jenny playing Warm Blood - Carly Rae Jepsen on her walkman*


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is like
> 
> they're best mates but jenny hasnt quite worked up to biting the bullet and mackin on
> 
> also they're both always a slut for crime and criminal activity

"Where did you learn how to do that?" Vastra looked over her shoulder to make sure she wouldn't get caught. It would be very hard to explain away.

"Misspent youth. Be quiet so I can focus."

"You've done that when it's been loud before."

"Yes but you're distracting."

"I am?"

"Just keep it down for a second."

"You'll have to teach me some time."

* * *

"I don't understand how you do this."

"Just focus and feel the pins. It's easy when you get a knack for it."

"I'm sure you think it's easy." She really had no idea what she was supposed to do.

"You swing a sword, I break and enter."

"The difference is I did a good job of teaching you how to swing said sword. And I don't just 'swing a sword'. There's more to it than that."

"You're a bad student. Just be patient and focus. It's not gonna open if you don't flirt with it."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Just push down the pins."

Vastra decided against starting an argument by saying she wasn't explaining herself well enough. Besides, she was sort of enjoying the lesson even if it wasn't going well.

* * *

Jenny put down her book with the pages open down on the table when she heard quick footsteps coming down the stairs. "Jenny, look!" Vastra held up an open padlock, grinning.

"You did it!" She stood up, suddenly forgetting her eagerness to continue reading. "You're a closet scoundrel."

"As proud as I am of myself, I will leave this particular skill to you, thief." She held out the padlock to her.

"Did you leave picks upstairs?'

"... I broke them."

"Ma'am! They're not easy to get!" For most people. Jenny knew she could get a new set if she had to.

"I didn't do it deliberately. Aren't you just proud I managed it at all?"

"I am, but don't try breaking and entering without me."


	20. Chapter 20

"Just kiss me," said Jenny, frustrated, with Vastra standing over her.

That took her off guard. "Excuse me?"

"I think you want to."

She straightened up, the way she'd seen real dignified women do when she'd accidentally made some kind of social faux pas Jenny normally bailed her out of. "Why do you think that?"

"You're still here." Jenny took her hand.

"You'll break my heart."

"I won't."

"I don't think I can."

"It's easy."

"Then you do it."

Unexpected. She thought this would have been a lot easier. She honestly hadn't planned on any conversation following her proposition. "We know we're going to, I don't see why you can't just get on with it."

"Why can't you?"

"Because I told you to do it."

"If you want me to kiss you I don't see why you don't do it yourself."

"You want to!"

"Don't shout this is stressful enough."

"This shouldn't be stressful."

"Well, it is."

Jenny had no choice. She simply had to give up. If Vastra had spent too long lecturing her on the importance of strategic retreats to throw those lessons away. "Shall we leave it for today?" She used her other hand to hold onto her wrist and rubbed her thumb over her scales.

"No. Let me work up to it."

"We don't have all day."

"It isn't going to take all day."

"Okay, because I do have errands."


	21. Chapter 21

"Did you just flip me?"

"God, I'm sorry ma'am, I didn't mean to. Are you hurt?"

Vastra hoped the lighting in the room didn't show her blush. "I didn't know you could do that."

"Nor did I."

"I think that should be it for today."

"Y-yes."

Vastra laughed, still on the floor. It was strange, looking up at Jenny. "You seem nervous. Relax, I'm not angry with you, I'm impressed. Now, if you mind your strength, could you help me up?"

"Right. Yes. Up you come."

She held her hand out to her, which Vastra took and felt herself be hoisted up. Neither let go after she was back on her feet.

"You're stronger than I thought." She made a show of rubbing her back, pretending to be in pain.

"Underestimating me, ma'am?"

"Don't do that. I don't think you quite know your own strength either."

"Impressed?"

"Actually, yes."

"I didn't mean to hurt you, are you alright?"

"My ego may never recover and yours may never come back down."

"I really am sorry. Are you sure you're okay?"

"You would know if I wasn't." That wasn't entirely true. She rolled her shoulders. "To be safe, perhaps we should skip the swords today, hm?"

"Yeah, probably a good idea."

"Get changed and make us something to drink. I will clean up down here."

Jenny chose not to mention how there was nothing to clean up. "I'll give you a call when it's ready."

Vastra waited until she was well out the door before sitting herself down on the floor and holding her head in her hands. "Oh Jenny, why do you do this to me?" The shoulder she landed on was beginning to feel sore. "You won't manage that again. I hope."

She rested her chin on her hand, elbow digging into her knee. "I'm ruined."


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> don't forget to like comment and subscribe

"You could go to Torchwood," suggested Jack, knowing it had recently been founded and doing his level best to stay out of their way.

"Jenny's banned."

"What?"

"She's banned."

Jenny shrugged. "The queen doesn't like me," she said as if that was ordinary.

Vastra cut off the next question before it could be asked. "We aren't getting into it."

Jack's eyes were glittering. He had very quickly become quite fond of Jenny, much to Vastra's displeasure. _Please stop flirting with her_ rang in his ears. "Yes we are. We are absolutely getting into it."

"I just told her I didn't think she had a right to the throne."

"That isn't quite how you put it."

"She's doesn't though. We don't need a monarchy."

"Yes and threatening her and me holding you back really helped your position."

"You didn't have to hold me back."

"One of your best qualities is your regular heartbeat. I quite like you being alive and in one piece."

"I could've taken her."

"Absolutely, I'd never even suggest you couldn't, but we were very slightly outnumbered by her guards and a woman only has so much venom."

"You still didn't need to hold me back."

"We both know I did otherwise you wouldn't be banned."

"I'm sure I'll be fine once she's gone."

"Please don't commit regicide."

"I'll bring home some crown jewels I promise."

"Don't even think about it, they're hideous."

"We could sell them, use the money to go away for a while."

"Or we could just go away for a while. Don't try to woo me into allowing you to commit treason."

"I would never."

"Do you two want me to go?" Vastra had forgotten Jack was there. Jenny, who was enjoying the embarrassment she engineered, had not.


	23. Chapter 23

"Marry me?"

Jenny, who had been enjoying the scenery through the tinted glass, was sure she couldn't have heard correctly. "Excuse me?"

"Will you marry me?"

She seemed sincere. Jenny didn't like that at all. "Stop taking the piss."

"I'm being serious. I'm trying to ask you to marry me."

"No."

"What?" She hadn't expected to be turned down.

"We can't get married."

"Why not? Are you you leaving me?" Jenny knew that Vastra didn't think that was actually the the case and her tone made it perfectly clear.

"Of course not."

"Then why?"

"We can't."

"I thought you wanted-"

"I do."

"I don't understand. Have I done something?"

"No." She put her hand on hers, bridging the gap she didn't know she made by subconsciously pushing herself more and more flush to the wall of the carriage. It wasn't comfortable. "We aren't getting married, that's an end to it."

"Is it because I haven't gotten you a ring? I can get you one."

"No. Please don't go out and buy an engagement ring."

"Are you and I-?"

"I love you. I'm not going anywhere and I don't plan to unless you're there too, but we aren't getting married. I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"But-"

"Vastra, please."

"Okay." Jenny took her hand back and returned to the scenery, silently willing her not to ignore her wishes and continue the conversation. "Is the rest of the journey going to be uncomfortable?"

"Probably."

"I shouldn't have asked while we're both trapped in a box, should I?"

"Wasn't your best strategic decision."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in my professional onion i dont think Jenny would have said yes the first time ✌️😝


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part 2 of the previous ✌️

"I'm sorry," mumbled Jenny eventually, after spending too long trying to fall asleep. Vastra sighed. So she _was_ still awake too. "What brought all this on?"

"I've been trying to propose for weeks now. Strax knows. Admittedly, I should have known it was a lost cause when I had to turn to him for advice." She let the joke hang in the air for a moment. "I thought you wanted to get married some day."

"It's not that simple."

"It could be."

"We've already got it better than most."

"Surely you don't really believe that."

"Ma'am-"

"Pretending you're my maid, keeping appropriate distance in front of others, the constant offers of courtship."

 _What?_ "Oi who's offerin' you that?"

"Nobody, but your jealousy is noted. It's you who gets offered."

"I do not."

"You do. All the time. Do you really not know? All those invitations to tea, offers to take you out. You always turn them down, saying that you're working, it really makes me look like some monstrous boss, but still I've been approached asking to give you time off."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You have eyes! And ears too for that matter."

"Okay then, say all that is true-"

"It is."

"-what do you think would change? I start telling them I'm engaged and they'll want to know to who."

"Then tell them."

"Do you have any idea what would happen if the authorities knew about me?"

"Something would happen?"

"I'd be ruined. I'd be sent to the mad house and that would be it."

"I wouldn't let them."

"If they found out about you _and_ me then I'd still be taken away. Scotland Yard would cut ties with you and they'd tell the press that your maid was taking advantage of you in your age in order to get the inheritance."

"Be my wife, Jenny. I promise we'll be okay."

"Go to sleep."

She instead sat up and leant against the headboard, drawing one knee up. "Jenny, I have something to say."

Jenny sighed and joined her against the headboard. "Are we about to have an argument?"

"I hope not."

"Go on then."

"I intend on spending my life with you."

"You know you can't do that."

" _Jenny_."

"Sorry."

"You said before that you wished you could get married some day."

"That doesn't mean I can."

"I'm not asking you to go to a church or any legal proceedings."

"Aren't we okay as we are? We know how we feel."

She went quiet, thinking about her next words. While she thought she let Jenny lean against her and she leaned right back.

"You're cold."

"Sorry."

"Do you want me to put the fire on?"

"Please."


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is basically incoherent but im very tired

"The only reason I've kept you around so long is so I don't have to put on my veil every time someone comes to the door."

"And here I thought it was because you liked having me around."

"That was just good fortune."

"Oh was it now?"

"You also brighten the room considerably."

"You're insufferable."

"You love me."

"I do. Can't think why."

"I can think of a few reasons."

"Oh?"

"You love it when I make you blush."

"Do not."

"You are now and it feels like you're only encouraging me." She kissed her cheek, warmer than usual, and laughed. Jenny managed to blush even more.

Vastra's face softened as she wordlessly undid Jenny's hair. She wondered why she bothered tying it up when it was just them, but she had a feeling it was because Jenny secretly liked her having to make a moment of it. "You look lovely."

"Charmer."

"I try."

Jenny rolled her eyes before pulling her in to kiss her.

They didn't hear the sound of the TARDIS from the other room.

"Doctor, there's nobody here."

He followed behind her. Part of him wished he hadn't worn the jumper with all the holes in, he knew Vastra thought it was ugly and he valued her opinion of him. "They should be in."

Vastra and Jenny shot up hearing the distinct Scottish accent. Jenny had never been more embarrassed. She must have looked so disheveled. Odd buttons undone, clothes freshly creased, her hair a mess and her arms still around her wife's neck.

"Oh god." Bill immediately covered her eyes out of courtesy. "Doctor. Um. I'm gonna head back into the TARDIS, yeah? Bye. Nice to meet you." She spread her fingers too peek through so she didn't knock into any of the furniture as she tried to get out of the situation as quickly as possible.

If Jenny wasn't blushing earlier, she certainly was now. This was humiliating.

"This better be good," Vastra said. She had intended it to come out venomous, but instead it was more exasperated. She got up off the sofa and held out a hand to help Jenny get up.

The Doctor wasn't looking directly at them, partly out of embarrassment, mostly because of the annoyed look from Vastra. Was she judging the jumper? No, probably not. "We just came for a visit."

"And you couldn't have called first!? Or knocked!?" Jenny practically squeaked. Some day this would be funny. Some day.

"I didn't know!"

"How could you!? Which is why you call ahead!"

"In my defense, this is the drawing room."

" _Excuse me!?_ "

Vastra covered her wife's mouth to keep an argument back. "We're going to get ourselves in order." Jenny elbowed her. "Please apologise to your companion because as soon as we come back we're never discussing this again."

"I'm so embarrassed," Jenny whined, hand still covering her mouth.

"I'll just be. In the TARDIS. Waiting."

"Come along Jenny." No sooner had she said that had Jenny exited as quickly as a polite, but brisk, walk would take her.

* * *

"The Doctor is one of our closest friends, but I think we may have to never speak to him again." She was only half joking.

Vastra laughed as she finished the buttons at the back of her dress.

Jenny started pinning her hair up. Vastra wordlessly joined her by the vanity and helped. She used to be more of a hindrance than a help but since she had Jenny teach her, mostly out of curiosity for a ritual completely foreign to her, she was actually rather helpful. Failing that, and Jenny would never admit it, she liked the attention.

"You still look lovely."

"Don't you dare even think about flirting with me right now."

Vastra kissed her temple. "Wouldn't dream of it, sweetheart."

"I love you, but you're annoying."

"I love you too. Now, let's see what they want. The sooner they leave the sooner we have the drawing room."

"Stop it."


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part 3 of the whole proposal thing

"Vastra?"

"Yes, my dear?" she said, just barely paying attention.

"Propose to me again." She poured them both tea. Properly. Jenny was being very... Proper.

That got all of her attention. "Pardon?"

"Propose to me. If you still want to." She put the pot down gently and handed Vastra a teacup and saucer.

"Jenny?"

"You don't have to."

She put the drink down, she wasn't thirsty and hadn't asked for it anyway. She suspected Jenny just needed something to do with her hands. "Will you say yes if I do?"

"Why do you think I said it?"

They sat opposite each other, it felt like they were both on the wrong end of an interrogation.

"What's changed?"

"I realised I was being a stupid ape." Vastra laughed. "You were right. We'll be okay."

"You'll really say yes?"

"I really will."

"That's good to know."

Jenny stared at her. "That's it?"

"What?"

"Oh no, you don't get to do this, that's not fair."

"What's not fair?"

"You don't get to know that we're about to be engaged and not just do it."

"You know too."

"Yes but- you can't use this to get back at me."

"I would never do a thing like that."

"You would and you are."

"Calm down, my dear fiancée to be, you'll work yourself up "

"I'll say no again."

"We both know you won't this time."

"I hate you."

"No you don't. You're a horrible liar."

"Can't you just... Do it?"

"I have. Twice."

"I wouldn't have done this if I'd known you were gonna be mean."

"Me? I'd never."

"Just. Finish your drink."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *shrug emoticon*


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> very unfinished modern au shitposting

"What do you suggest I do?" she asked over her pint. She didn't actually like beer but it was cheap and she could nurse her way through anything. "Nudge her with my elbow and suggest we go out behind the bins and sort this out?"

"I don't know for sure if she'd go for that." Jack swapped their drinks giving her his gin. If she was going to drink she may as well enjoy it. "She might, because it's you, but she's also kind of a snob."

"Hey, I wouldn't want to go out behind the bins either and I'm not a snob."

"You suggested it."

"It was hypothetical."

"But you would."

"She'd get cold and be in a foul mood."

"It's sweet how much you care."

She flipped him off. "Doesn't matter anyway. It's a non starter. Why do I fancy her Jack? I mean, she's green."

"Is that the only reason you can think of for why you shouldn't be into her? Because green isn't all that out there, let me tell you I've-"

"Why did I come to you for advice? You're a space slut."

He winked and took a big drink. "I'm a space lothario actually."

"Is that what you call it?"

"Plenty of others call me it too."

"Again, why did I come to you?"

"Because I'm your only friend who knows her and because I get it."

"That's just sad." She shook the glass just to make the ice cubes jiggle.

"Have you thought about being a grown up and going for it?"

"Don't be daft."

"I'm telling you, she's waiting for it."

"If she's waiting for it maybe she should make a move."

"She wouldn't."

"I know." She sipped the drink. Annoyingly, it was a lot nicer. "She's supposed to take a lead she's taller than me."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"It's the rules."

"Jenny, you're shorter than most and you always make the first move, you're making things up."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do, I've known you for more than two minutes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why yes I do think im the funniest bitch alive


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally vomitted this up

Jenny sat with one knee up facing the fire. Hair down and in her nightclothes. She had dark circles under her eyes and Vastra stared at her like a particularly difficult puzzle.

"What's troubling you?"

"Huh?" She made the sound involuntarily, as if a breath was knocked out of her when she was dragged into the present.

"What are you thinking about?"

"What do we do if something happens to one of us?"

Oh. That explained how troubled she looked and why she had to be prompted to speak. Vastra feigned ignorance. "What ever do you mean?"

"You asked. Take this seriously."

"Jenny, is now really the time?"

"There isn't a time for this sort of thing. It's important that we talk about this."

"Sweetheart why-"

"I've died. Twice."

"It doesn't count, the timeline-"

"I still remember it. It still happened to me." Vastra didn't know that. It stunned her into silence. Why didn't she know that? "Next time might be permanent." Jenny always seemed to look so much smaller when she remembered that. It was probably a trick of the mind, a silly human foible she'd development after too long in this new world, but still.

"Let's retire," she suggested quickly. "Have the Doctor take us to-"

"Ma'am."

"Jenny, I can't think about this."

"You have to. The fact of the matter is, at some point I won't be here. Hopefully later rather than sooner but still. If I have my way you're gonna be left without me."

"Now is hardly the time for divorce jokes."

"That isn't what I meant. I'm intending on going out before you and you're gonna have a rich life without me."

"How could I?"

"Because I'm telling you to."

"My love, you know as well as I do that I will be lost."

"Then find something. I don't care what it is, I just need you to have some sort of plan."

"I don't want to think about that."

"Well, you need to."

"Have you thought about what you might do if something were to happen to me?"

"Nothings going to happen to you."

"You don't know that."

"I've died. Two times. Last I checked you haven't died once. You're you."

"If I have to think about what happens if..." She couldn't bring herself to say the words, instead resorting to euphemism. "If something happens. Then you have to think about what you'll do if something happens to me."

"Now you're just being ridiculous."

"Any number of things could happen to me! It could get too cold, I could be captured, I could be hunted, or a case may simply go awry."

"I don't know what I'd do without you."

"My love, if anything were to happen to me I've made sure that everything goes to you."

"You have?"

"It's been in my will for years."

"You have a will!?"

"I had it written shortly after I began training you."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I told you, I don't like to think about this."


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i figured i should perhaps possibly post something that isnt jus chattin !

Jenny woke. Not with a start as Vastra might do if she had a nightmare. She hadn't woken with a start in years, growing too used to a bad night's sleep to warrant the shock. It was still dark out. She thought about going back to sleep but knew she'd just be lying still and bored for however many hours it was until daylight.

In the early days she had gotten quite good at getting out of bed without disturbing Vastra, apparently it was a skill that hadn't faded with time. That, or she was just very deep in her sleep.

She sighed heavily and immediately covered her mouth and looked behind her. She hadn't woken her up. _Quiet, Jenny, quietly_. Even now she could remember each and every floor board that took her weight without creaking, stepping just as lightly as she used to, thankfully not having to take the longer route of the past to retrieve her uniform, mercifully being able to escape in her nightwear. Were she not so intent on being silent she'd have laughed at her old commitment to propriety.

When she finally got to the door she almost cursed aloud. Instead, she did it internally. _Fuck_. They had new doors. Vastra had managed to destroy one so they'd had to change all of them and the new handles... Well they had the loudest click she'd ever heard- and she'd heard the clicks of a lot of strangers doors.

If she was careful and did it slowly...

**CLICK**

Jenny winced and coughed to cover the sound as if that were anywhere near the realm of being a good idea. Had she lost her touch? She'd have to do something of dubious legality some time soon, just in case. Thankfully, it seemed she hadn't woken Vastra up.

 _Okay, door open_. She stepped through, feeling thoroughly accomplished before realising that the door did indeed need to be closed again. _Should have just used the window_.

She went through the motions, electing this time trying to do it all as quickly as possible. It worked a lot better and she wished she had the foresight to just do that the first time. She knew for next time at least.

Now that she was out she could relax some, she had to worry less about waking someone up.

She didn't have a plan after getting out of the room in what was the most inelegant display of stealth she'd ever executed. Tea. Tea was a plan. That was something to do with a tangible result. She'd make tea.

* * *

Jenny hadn't watched the time, instead wasting hours trying to occupy herself but nothing satisfying her. She almost hadn't noticed the sun rise, but that may have been because she neglected to draw the curtains.

"Good morning, my love," said Vastra after kissing the top of her head. When had she come in? Wow, she was tired.

"Morning."

Vastra took the teapot that was in front of her and made a fresh brew, Jenny's had long since gone cold and what was left was mostly leaves anyway.

She sat opposite her and poured herself a cup. "Why do we still have this pot? You know I don't think it pours well."

"You put the others too high for me to reach, I had no choice."

"You know," she sipped her drink, "next time you want a midnight drink," Jenny looked up at her guiltily, "you can just ask me to get it down for you."

"I didn't mean to wake you up."

"I know. You spent an awfully long time at the door."

"I was trying to be quiet."

"You did a poor job of it." Jenny had to smile at how warm her voice was.

"Did you get back to sleep?"

"I did. You didn't." She reached over and put her hand on hers. "You know you can wake me up if you have a... A bad night," she said, not wanting to presume too much.

"It was just a bad dream."

Jenny, Vastra understood, had a complicated relationship with dreaming. It had never been an issue before Trenzalore and what happened in the dreamscape. For most, dreams (the ones had when unconscious rather than desires- humans and their strange languages of metaphors), good or bad, were never real. Jenny, however, had the very real sensation of physical pain in hers.

"You can still wake me up."

"Yeah, I know."


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm jus throwin this into the ether because I'm desperately trying to work on the thing this is meant to go in but it's not goin quick !

Jenny frowned, raising herself up on her elbows to frown at a sharper angle. "You're hanging off the edge."

"I wanted you to have enough space," she half-lied.

"I have enough space."

She shifted so she lay beside her on her back, hands folded over herself.

After a brief moment of very unpleasant silence and ceiling staring Jenny broke, unable to deal with the atmosphere. "Comfortable?"

"Are you?"

"No."

"Should I leave?"

"Do you want to?"

"I've always slept better with you."

"Me too." Jenny sat up against the headboard. "If I'd known this was going to be so weird I might not have suggested you stay."

"How could you have not known this would be weird?"

"Never used to be."

"Is that what you want? To be how it used to be?"

She shrugged. "I am coming back at some point, I've always planned on coming back."

"Is that why you've been stringing me along?"

"I haven't-"

"Look where we are."

"I'm not stringing you along."

"Am I waiting around for nothing?"

"Are you trying to start an argument?" She sounded exasperated, but like a warning.  
Vastra sat up with her, looking at her very seriously. "No. I just need to know, because I will continue to wait if I don't know better."

" _Why?_ "

"You think I wouldn't?"

She rested her head against her shoulder, previous argumentative tension forgotten. "God you're tall."

"Not ready for this conversation?"

"No, I am, I'm a grown up. I just need to be... Detached from you for a while," she admitted, "do the big stuff on my own, so I know I can do all this without you and your money and the house."

" _Our_ money and _our_ house."  
"It doesn't _feel_ like it's mine. I don't want to be your convenient maid anymore."

Jenny felt Vastra's shoulders shake with suppressed laughter. "My dear, you're anything but convenient. If that is really such a bother to you, please, consider yourself sacked. Though, I'm sure you leaving as you did was tantamount to quitting, if not I should have dismissed you with immediate effect."

"About that..."

"Hmm?"

"Sorry for doing it how I did."

"It is done now."

Jenny drew her knees up. "I know I really upset you. At the time I didn't care. That's a lie, I did care, I thought I wanted to upset you. Took me a whole week to figure out I didn't."

"Tell me why you think I was upset."

"You care about me. You care about me a lot."

"Too much?"

"No, I like it."

"When you do come back, will we do this?"

"I don't know. Will you want to?"

"Yes," she said too quickly, immediately looking away to hide her embarrassment. There was no surreptitious way of hiding her blush but she hid in her hands anyway.

"I don't just mean sleep in the same bed. The talking... This is nice."

"Imagine how nice it would be if I wasn't forced to sneak around in unfamiliar territory chasing an errant employee."

"Thought I was sacked?"

"I'm struggling to find a suitable replacement."

Jenny straightened back up. Vastra felt a chill over her shoulder. "What if you did find a replacement?"

"Jenny-"

"There's plenty of girls looking for work, plenty of girls _like me_."

"And?"

"If you had other options I don't want you to hold the position open."

"I don't want anyone else. My dear, you must know this by now."

"But what if you stop?"

"Lean forward."

She did. "Why?"

She put an arm around her and closed the gap between them. _Finally taking some initiative_. "I won't stop if I know I can expect you."

"I really wish I didn't miss you."

"I know."

"It makes all this harder than I thought it would be."

"You seem to be suffering through it well enough."

"You're my _best friend_ ma'am. My best friend who I'm hopelessly... You know."

"You'll make me cry."

"I know you can't. Don't make fun."

"If I could I would."

Jenny cracked her shoulders, fidgeting in the awkwardness of it all. If her joints were a bit more loose perhaps she could relax. "I have some conditions for when I come back."

"And they are?"

"I don't want to wear that uniform anymore."

"Uniform?" Jenny watched her squint the way she did when she was trying to piece together information on a case.

"My maid uniform."

"You have a uniform?"

"Yes? With the cap and the apron and-"

"I thought you just had bad taste."

"Some of us don't replace a personality with clothes."

"Some of us can afford the crutch."

It became Vastra's turn to feel uncomfortable in the silence and proximity. "Will you ever kiss me again?" She had to ask. When else could she?

Jenny felt the wind knock out of her and dry out her mouth and throat. "If you'll let me, I think so."

"I think I'm asking you to."

Jenny hung herself over her with her hands either side of her. Vastra hooked her fingers over her wrists. "Ma'am, I-" she sighed heavily, almost glottally with frustration at herself, and dropped her head down. Vastra let go and raised herself up, leaning her forehead against hers when she finally looked back up. "I thought you were only staying tonight."

"And you would be correct. Go to sleep, sweetheart."

"If I do will you still be here when I wake up?"

"Will you?"

"If you ask me to."

"I am."

"Then I'll see you in the morning."

"O-okay."

"Are you going to stay like that all night? Because if you fall on me I'm going to be really annoyed."

Jenny rolled back to her side of the bed and stared at her, feeling how red her face must have been. "You did that on purpose."

"It's called revenge."

"I hate you so much sometimes."

"No you don't."

"No, I don't," she admitted.

"But that was cruel of me, I'll admit."

"I'll just change my mind and decide never to come back."

"You'll roam the streets and it will be all my fault."

"And all the children will tell stories about the heartbroken old woman that lives at Paternoster Row."

Vastra smacked her with a pillow before immediately returning it beneath her head. "I'm not old!"


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowee this is short hoo boy

Jenny lay on her side, back towards Vastra. Vastra reached out and brushed her fingertips over her skin, the gentle touch becoming indefinable pressure when she passed over a scar.

"You haven't been treated well by circumstance, have you?" Jenny didn't respond, just letting Vastra continue.

So much of her skin was discoloured by nicks and bruises, it had been a rough case. "I could take you away, we could live in the lap of luxury and this," she put pressure on one of the bruises, "will never happen again."

"You'd get bored."

"How could I be bored with you?"

"You would. You love what we do."

"Do I love it enough for this?" She flattened her palm against her back.

"No, but this doesn't happen often and it _was_ my fault."

"You do have a habit of running headlong into danger.""

"Tell me what it would be like if we just left. Talk to me until I fall asleep."

"Okay." She edged closer to her companion. Friend? Partner? The lines were so blurred and Vastra didn't have the social skills to navigate such choppy waters. They were only friends at all times except times like these, when it was dark and quiet and when they were asleep. "We'd have staff. You'd never have to do anything again. Of course, you would anyway. I don't think I've ever seen you sit still for long. They would all love you, you have a habit of making people like you. You'd wildly overpay them and allow them all much more freedom than this time typically allows."

"And what are you doing?"

"Me? Oh, I suppose I'd be reading and studying and experimenting. I'd have all but completely done away with the veil."

"And the swords?"

Vastra laughed as silently as she could. Jenny felt the mattress shake with it. "You nor I could ever give those up I think."

"Lovely as all that sounds, I'm plenty happy here. I like the life we've got now."

_Is it enough?_ She wanted to ask, euphemistically hiding the suggestion she desperately wanted to give. The suggestion that she could be _more_ to her. But Jenny was far too smart for her own good and would see right through that. "It's a nice fantasy though."

"I like what I've got, for now."


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> idk im just obsessed with vastra getting a happy ending and that means me ham fisting an excuse for them to hang out just before she dies so idk theyre using those stupid magic time travel candles that i hate

"You look so young."

"Even now you're still a flirt."

"How long has it been since... since me?"

"I haven't kept a calendar."

"Vastra."

She blinked at her and stared for a moment. "It's been a while since I've heard you say my name."

"A while since you've heard me say anything I assume."

"A few decades."

"You've been alone for that long?"

"No my dear, not alone. You made me promise not to be."

"I did?"

"You always were taking care of me, even to the very end and here you are again."

"Have you missed me?"

"More than you could imagine."

"Was there ever-"

"Anyone else? I knew you'd ask." She smiled fondly. Jenny didn't recognise that particular smile. It was nostalgic and melancholy. She didn't like it. She didn't like seeing Vastra remember her. "You never stop being the jealous type. I don't know if I should tell you that. But no. How could there be anyone but you?"

"I'm not the jealous type."

"I don't think I should tell you this, for my past self's sake. I loved your jealous streak, any opportunity to get you possessive I took. I never wanted to be anyone's but yours"

"And you say I'm the flirt."

"What year is it for you? What's happened? Are we married yet?"

Jenny laughed. "Can you imagine if we weren't married yet and you asked me that? I wouldn't have believed you."

"So we're married at this point?"

"We are."

"And the children?"

"We have kids?"

"Oh no."

"Ma'am, we have kids?"

"You haven't called me ma'am in such a long time. Either there's trouble or we're only recently married. Honeymooners!"

"Don't avoid the question."

"Fine you'll have to use the memory worm anyway. We have two children. They're just like you. We did a good job."

"I'm sure we did."

"They miss you."

"They have you."

"Not for much longer, my love."

"I know."

"I'm glad I could see you again. Nothing was ever quite the same with you gone."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't you apologise. Your time was just before mine. Ever efficient, you finished your job here before I did. Be thankful we had any time together at all, our mere meeting was chance above chance."

"I see you never stop waxing philosophical."

"You love it."

"Do I?"

"You're still here."

"How could I abandon a dying old woman?"

Vastra laughed. The hardest she'd laughed in years in fact. "I'd almost forgotten how funny you were. That only gets better with age."

"You were always the funny one, love."

"I do try."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"I'll be fine. I don't know what happens next, or even if something does happen at all, but I know I'll be fine."

"You won't wake up, will you?" Jenny already knew her answer, but she had to ask.

"No, I won't."

"Why not? It's not fair you can't just leave."

"That's what I said to you. I didn't understand it until now, but we know when our time is up."

"It's not fair."

"Even mountain ranges weather and fall, my dear, so must we."

"Don't pretend that the extra years you have on me made you wise."

"It wasn't me that said it."

"Then who did?" she asked, again already knowing her answer."

"You."


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im gonna YARTS

"Are you awake?"

Jenny wanted to lie silently but her better nature and honest streak got the better of her. "Yes."

"Why do you wait for me to fall asleep before you leave?"

"So we don't have to talk about it."

"I want to talk about it."

"Makes one of us."

"Indulge me on this."

Jenny sighed, knowing full well she would do anything for her and wondering if Vastra knew it too. She rolled over and sat up. "Alright."

"You didn't need to sit up," she said, still lying down.

"Feels like a sitting up conversation."

She followed her. "Now I'm up here I'll concede it might be."

"It's a full moon tonight."

"Shall I draw the curtains to let it in?"

"I'll do it."

Vastra watched as she pulled back the curtains, leaning forward from the headboard in fascination. Under the cold moonlight in a clear sky Jenny looked to be made of stone. Stone supernaturally carved to be so uncanny in its form that it couldn't help but breathe and move. If she had more of her faculties she would have commented on the way she looked, doubtlessly saying something charming and poetic. Instead she hissed so softly that if it wasn't for the unusual stillness of the world that night Jenny wouldn't have heard.

"Too bright?"

"It is fine." Any other day she would have snatched her gaze away, but she was too fascinated wondering if any sculptor could ever recreate what she saw. "Are you coming back?"

"Are you asking me to?"

"I'm asking if you are."

"You could always come to me."

"Now are you asking me to?"

"Mostly I'm avoiding talking about what you actually want to talk about."

"What? Oh, yes." She'd forgotten as soon as the curtains were drawn. "That."

"You don't make it easy for me some nights. You've got long arms."

Vastra felt her scales darken and was thankful for the shadows of the four-poster. "Do not wait for me to sleep on my account. If it is inconvenient for you I would never insist you wait around."

"I wasn't complaining," she replied, volume so low it too wouldn't have ordinarily been heard.


	34. Chapter 34

As soon as she could, Vastra made her way to the kitchen to find Jenny. She was wearing her old uniform. It was a necessary evil, she knew, but it hardly seemed to fit her at all anymore. Anyone with a discerning eye would see right through her. "Our guests have retired to their rooms. Finally."

"You look knackered." So did she, but Vastra knew better than to say so.

"I feel it. I trust you'll stay with me tonight rather than settle in under a girder?"

Jenny blushed in embarrassment. It wasn't like she'd intended on using a very weighted blanket. "Come on, I'll make us a drink before we go up."

"You spoil me."

"I do. In the meantime you can explain why there's a Strax shaped hole in the wall."

It was Vastra's turn to look embarrassed. She'd gone the entire day without mentioning it and she, foolishly, had allowed herself to think that perhaps she'd gotten away with it. "I had to prove a point."

"And you had to use _my_ wall to do it?"

"Our wall."

"It's going to cost so much to have it repaired. This is a nice house, Vastra."

"We can afford it."

She ignored that and Vastra counted her blessings. "And it's going to take a while for the workmen to repair. Then it'll have to be re-papered. If they don't have matching paper the entire room will have to be redecorated."

"Ensuring peace between two species was more important than the wall, but now I see I may not have thought it all the way through."

"And I'm going to have to be the one to supervise all of it because of course you can't."

"I'll wear my veil."

"That's not what I meant. You don't know what you're doing."

"Sorry Jenny."

"It's fine." It wasn't fine. "I just don't like strangers in the house. And I don't like you hiding away, or people calling me your housekeeper."

"Actually they tend to call you my maid." Jenny gave her a look that made it abundantly clear that that was very much the wrong thing to say. If there was a mirror within reach she would have felt compelled to check that her scales hadn't been stripped of all colour. She stole a glance at a washed pan. Still green. "I'll make it up to you."

"You bloody better."


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hooty hoo ive been thonkin about donna a lot :(

"She's a lizard and they're married?" Donna gestured at them pointedly and spoke as if they weren't directly in earshot and looking right at her. The Doctor just smiled at her before she too broke out in a grin. "Oh that is brilliant. Mad but-" she finally gave her attention to the couple at hand "-you two are brilliant."

Jenny would take what she could get. It was better than the fainting and general sense of confusion they usually caused. "Thank you?"

"Proper married? Like a church and vows and everything?"

Vastra looked at Jenny. "We didn't go to church did we?"

"Like either of us would be allowed.

"How do a lizard and a maid meet?"

"Jenny wasn't always a maid."

She elbowed her side. "And she still ain't."

"But she does look lovely in the apron."

"Oi. Don't go showin' off just 'cause we have a guest."

They bickered for a few moments while Donna turned back to the Doctor. "They do this a lot do they?"

"Oh all the time."

Vastra made some kind of hushing sound which was met with a harsher, louder hushing sound that probably meant she lost the argument. "I am sorry, Doctor, my wife and I seem to have gotten distracted." Jenny rolled her eyes hard enough to pull a muscle. "And you have yet to introduce us to your companion."

"Right. This is-"

Donna, all ginger and forthright, offered her hand for Vastra to shake. "Donna. Donna Noble." Vastra hesitated for a split second, recognising the name from a sad story a version of the Doctor that must have been older than the one in front of them. It was much easier to hide her expressions when she had a veil on but she was sure she hid her surprise well. Jenny, however, of course noticed it.

Vastra took it and smiled at her. It wasn't often people offered their hands to her, especially when she was without gloves. "A pleasure, Miss Noble."

"None of that 'miss' stuff alright, just Donna's enough."

Jenny cocked her head a bit at the twang in her voice. It was familiar but... Things had definitely changed in the century between their births. Jenny was definitely younger than the Doctor's companion but thinking about the linear time between them suddenly made her feel much older than she was. "You from London, ma'am?"

"You as well. None of that ma'am business with me. But yes I am-"

"She's the best temp in Chiswick," interrupted the Doctor, enthused about a position he didn't truly understand. Not that Donna would complain, it was better than her mother telling her she needed a proper job. It was well meaning, she was sure, but enthusiasm was nice.

"Yes, thanks for that Doctor."

"You're from Chiswick?"

"For my sins."

"I'm from Finchley. Sort of."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

Jenny laughed. Donna was quick, she liked that, it was fun.

"Sort of?" Vastra asked.

Jenny shrugged, trying to think of something suitably vague. "Moved about a lot didn't I."


	36. Chapter 36

"Are you scared of me?"

"Ma'am?" she said, disoriented, being dragged out of a daydream by such a loaded question. It was easy to drift off when she was there, in the completely inappropriate position of leaned up against her mistress while she stroked through her hair.

"Others are. It stands to reason that you would be too."

"Oh."

"Are you?"

"Not in the slightest."

"Really?"

"Ma'am, if I was, I would have left ages ago. I've got no reason to be scared of you."

"I worry you are." She continued with her hand in her hair, doing her best to pretend she was asking a casual question like the state of the weather or if they needed to post anything. Vastra, when needed, was a fantastic actor. No, really. When needed she really could lie and perform through her teeth to get her way. It was thrilling for the audience, though that audience was usually (always) just Jenny. The monumental downside to this was that it was quite impossible to bluff her way through anything with her and any cracks in her performance were glaringly obvious. That was the trouble of having someone know you as well as Jenny knew Vastra. Another time, not when she was so focussed on the matter at hand, she'd wonder just how she let _that_ happen too. "You call me ma'am and madame and curtsey and bow your head."

"That's not... That isn't because I'm scared of you."

"Then why?"

"I'm supposed to. You're a lady and I'm your maid, it's the way it is."

Vastra was silent for so long that Jenny got worried. "Are we not equals, Jenny?"

"That's not how it works."

"It should be. I am no better than you and your wealth is equal to mine."

"Not on paper."

"I will never understand this place."

"'This place' has a name. Just cause you don't like my lot much doesn't mean you get to be rude about my home." Vastra didn't much feel like opening the complicated can of worms regarding that so she, for once, just apologised and let her continue. "People like me don't get much but we get by. People like you, or the people people think are like you, have all the power and the money. My lot barely even get to go to school. Do you know the worst part?"

"What?"

"The worst part is that it was _worse_ before. Can you believe that at some point we had even _less_?"

"If I had my way you'd never want for anything." The way she spoke made Jenny's heart skip. She would say things, sometimes, that sounded like she thought Jenny hung the moon. Never while looking at her though, only when she could comfortably avert her gaze due to their position. It was sweet, Jenny thought, that she got embarrassed, there was a time when she didn't think she could, but she was definitely a darker green.

"It's not about that. I'm just one person. Me being comfortable doesn't change anything or make things better."

"You are a very good person, Jenny."

She shrugged. "You are too."

"Not like you."

"You help people. You helped me."

"Yes, well, the difference being _I_ was given an ultimatum, you just are."

"Nothing wrong with needing a kick in the right direction. You got there."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when will I update its not easy bein green? who the FUCK knows
> 
> i woke up in the middle of the night feeling some kind of way so here we are whoopsie


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this for its not easy bein green but it might be cut idk yet and i said i was gonna edit it but i haven't because im a liar who belongs in liars jail

Vastra woke feeling unusually well rested an comfortable and in a room that definitely wasn't her own. She felt a weight spread over her and a mane of dark hair in her fingers.

"Jenny?" She awoke fully, completely aware of her surroundings and that this was unusual. In trying to remove her hand from her hair she accidentally yanked at a few strands.

"Oi watch what you're doin' will ya!?" Jenny sat up and rubbed at her face and made a half hearted attempt at making her hair look neat. Vastra looked profoundly put out. "Hey, relax, nothing happened. You were just chilly. I'm not happy about it either," she lied, already missing the contact.

Vastra, too, found herself missing the extra weight on top of her. "Jenny?" she repeated as if it wasn't incredibly obvious.

"...Who else could I be?" It was too early to think about pretending not to be jealous.

"What time is it?" The sun hadn't risen but it was staring to get light out.

"Can't be past five."

"...Do you want to go back to sleep?"

Jenny eyed her before returning to her previous position, head on her shoulder arm wrapped round her middle and all. "This didn't happen."

"I don't know what you could possibly be talking about."

"Just go back to sleep."

"Do you have any plans for today?"

Jenny opened her eyes and used the arm she had around Vastra to raise herself up to look at her properly. "Ma'am, you just asked if we could go back to sleep, we can save the awkward pillow talk for later, alright?"

"Alright."

She laid back down in her previous position. "I don't have anywhere to be, if that's what you want to know."

Vastra covered the arm around her with her own and smiled. She didn't understand what was happening between them but if she didn't think too hard or try to confront it she could enjoy it for a while.


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've had this written for a while and I did some minimal editing but mostly I just want it out of sight and out of mind because I'm bored of trying to do something with it owo

"Ma'am?"

"Must you call me that when you're in bed with me?"

"You're still the same person. I'm still under your employ regardless of whether I'm in your bed or not."

Vastra didn't have a response for that. "Did you want to say something?"

"If you hired another maid instead of me would this have happened with her?" Jenny didn't seem accusatory or jealous or anything really, just curious.

It was hard to come up with an answer that was both appropriate and honest while she was looking at her like that, tired and next to her with her hair down "I don't know. I don't think so. I don't think about what would happen with anyone but you." She fought the urge to turn away following her unexpected bought of sincerity, she hadn't meant to say so much. "What about you?"

"If I worked for another mistress?"

"Yes."

She shrugged. "Maybe. If she were so inclined. Not sure I'd risk being thrown out though." She traced patterns on her shoulder. "You're not like other ladies though, I'm not sure it's comparable."

"And this is risk free?"

"I know you won't get rid of me without at least making sure I was looked after."

"I won't get rid of you, period, Jenny."

"You don't think less of me, do you?" So that was the root of the matter. Vastra knew Jenny wasn't usually one who needed approval, nor did she look for it, but this was different. She'd told her countless times she wanted them to be equals, that they _were_ equals, but it seemed Jenny needed that reassurance that this... thing they had between them, didn't affect where they stood outside of Vastra's bed. Or wherever they happened to end up.

"Of course not. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm here too."

"Your family wouldn't be happy about this would they?"

"No they wouldn't. Nor would yours I presume."

"I dunno, if you were some rich lord who knocked me up and secretly paid for your illegitimate child's keep they might not be so upset."

"I hope I don't need to explain the fundamentals of human reproductive biology to you."

Jenny laughed. Vastra didn't expect that, but she didn't mind, she quite liked the sound, especially in such a private moment. "I'm not that uneducated."

"Don't mistake me, I don't think you're unintelligent. Quite the opposite."

"I know. You wouldn't have kept me around if you thought I was stupid."

"I try to make a habit of not giving idiots swords."

Jenny fell silent. Vastra glanced down at her. She looked pensive. "Penny for your thoughts?"

"This keeps happening. This isn't all I am to you, is it?"

"No." Vastra had begun to absently and slowly run her fingers through Jenny's hair. She wasn't really aware of herself doing it but it helped her think. It relaxed Jenny. "I try not to think about it." She tried not to, but she did anyway. Too many times had she fantasised about Jenny being next to her when she woke up, not because she'd stayed with her to keep her from freezing to death, but because she simply wanted to be near her, or kissing her after pouring her tea. When had she begun to crave domesticity with Jenny?

"You don't like things you can't solve as a detached observer."

"How did I let you know me that well?"

"I'm assuming that was rhetorical?"

"Yes."

"Jenny, would you-" she stopped herself. She never stumbled over words. She breathed out. "You can stay here tonight. If you want."

"Are you cold?"

"No, but-"

"I shouldn't. I'm up before you, I don't want to wake you in the morning."

"Jenny..."

She got up. She'd started keeping a dressing gown near Vastra's bed for such occasions. Neither addressed it. "Goodnight, ma'am."

Vastra watched her leave her room and presumably return to her own. Her thoughts became filled with the idea that she'd come on too strong and scared her off. She rolled onto her side and placed her palm flat on the half of the bed that had informally become Jenny's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah this isn't attached to anything I don't even remember WHEN i wrote it but it's been bugging me for agesssss


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *insert convoluted reason for jenny's parents staying at paternoster row* (also this was started before heritage 3 so)

Vastra lurked in the doorway of Jenny's old room, watching as she made a very controlled mess of the space. It was like watching a crime scene being meticulously put together. "Remind me why we're letting your parents stay with us?"

"Because I'm an idiot and didn't think they'd accept the offer."

"And why are you doing whatever it is you're doing?"

"I'm making it look like I use this room."

"Why?"

"Because otherwise they'll wonder why my room doesn't look like anyone has used it in years."

"I keep telling you we should turn it into something more useful."

"It's a cover. If we didn't have it people would wonder where I sleep," she said as she pounded a pillow to make it look used.

"And I suppose it would be too much to suppose it's none of their business?"

"Much too much."

"I suppose you'll be staying in here for the duration."

"Don't make that face."

"I'm not making a face."

"You're making a face."

"Not that you'll be able to see my face soon."

"You won't have to wear your veil."

"I won't?"

"No." Jenny finally looked up at her, just for a second before she carried on. "If they were only here for an hour then yes, but you hiding your face in your own home would be suspicious and make it seem as if you're hiding something."

"But I am hiding something."

"Yes but people don't think you wear it to hide, they think you wear it because you're a widow."

"This is ridiculous."

"I know, I just- I don't want them to-" she couldn't find the words she wanted.

"Hush, my dear. I know. I'd just rather us be allowed to be comfortable in our own home."

"I'm sorry."

"I don't like sleeping without you."

"Me neither."

Vastra sighed, just a bit more dramatically than necessary. "And you'll have to wear your old uniform. Silver linings at least."

"Oi!"

"You have that outfit to thank for your marriage."

Jenny scoffed. "Watch it."

"And to think, it may well be your very disguise that blows our cover."

"I'm sure you can control yourself. You did for years, remember?"

"Your ring." She approached her and took her left hand. "You're going to have to take it off."

Jenny hadn't thought about that. "I... I'm keeping it on. I'll tell them I... I'll figure something out. They may not even notice." Vastra chose not to remind her that they could see and probably had at least some powers of observation.

"You've never taken it off before."

"And I won't."

"I was going to say I'd be fine with it if you did."

"But you're a terrible liar, I know."

"So, when they inevitably ask about it what's your answer?"

"I'm a widow?"

"That won't work."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm a widow."

"You know there can be more than one woman with a case of dead husband."

"When you got engaged you tried to tell your parents but had no way of contacting them. The marriage went ahead anyway because you wanted children."

"And how do I explain the lack of children?"

"You're not in a rush. You don't want to take time out from this job just yet so you can start saving."

"And why am I still living here?"

"Simple, your marriage is a sham and you've been having an affair with me."

"It'll break his heart if he ever finds out."

"Because your husband is hopelessly devoted to you?"

"Of course. You wouldn't allow me to marry him if not."

"There's just one problem."

"Which is?"

"The nature of our profession is a very open secret."

"You're right. They're definitely going to have something to say about that." She sighed. "As long as they still think I'm your maid it should be okay."

"There's also the matter of Strax."

"I'm trusting you to handle him."

She mimed swinging a bat.

"Don't you dare."

"Joking! I wouldn't actually-"

"You better not. Just. Do your smooth talking."

"I suppose I am going to need an outlet for all this charm and guile."

"Finally developed some, eh?"

"In droves. Millions of years ago."

"Such a head start and still you're lagging behind."

"Don't tease me into charming your parents. They're going to love me. Be absolutely thrilled to have me in the family."

"Yes, well, we'll see about that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is what I've done instead of its not easy bein green owo


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i refuse to believe the conversation on the way home at the end of family matters ended there im sure it must have gotten horrible and uncomfortable and im only posting this so I never have to put my eyes on it again

Jenny was right about it being a long walk back to Paternoster Row. They'd talked, yes, and they were going to be fine, but Vastra felt a lot had been left unsaid. "You never told me you changed your name."

"Please don't do this, ma'am." Hearing Jenny call her ma'am after everything that happened cut her. "If we argue can we at least wait until we get home?"

"I'm not trying to argue, I just want to talk about it."

Jenny really would have preferred any conversation they had to be done without her veil on, it put her at a significant disadvantage and, however unintentional, made her feel like she was the help getting a telling off. "Alright," she said, before spending the next few minutes looking intently down at her feet. Vastra waited patiently for her to continue. "Didn't want you to think of me as a Scarrity."

"I wouldn't-."

"You did, when you sent me back to Strax." Vastra looked at least a little bit apologetic under her veil. "I shouldn't've kept it all from you, I know that, but they aren't a part of me I'm proud of."

"Ten years we've known each other. You've kept this from me for a decade." She really didn't sound any kind of argumentative, just genuinely sad. Jenny stopped walking. Vastra got a few meters ahead before realising they were no longer in step. "Jenny?" she said, only mildly panicked at the sudden disappearance before finding her five paces back.

"Has it really been that long?"

"I believe so, yes."

"You know, at some point I'll have been a Flint longer than I ever was a Scarrity."

"Until today I would have found it hard to believe a Jenny Scarrity ever existed."

Jenny returned to her side and back to their pace. " _ Jen _ Scarrity, you mean."

"I think I'd sooner die than call you that."

"Didn't start going by Jenny until people started calling me it."

"I appreciate you trying to open up to me now, but it doesn't make up for the fact that-"

"I know. I know it don't."

Their conversation paused again until Vastra nudged her with her elbow. "I would like to hear it, regardless, overdue as it is."

"I'm sure there's plenty you haven't told me either."

They returned to their uncomfortable silence.

"You already know the worst of me, my dear."

She was right and Jenny felt like she'd been smacked. It was never usually her putting her foot in her mouth. "I'm sorry ma'am, I didn't even think."

"It is fine. I should be glad you hardly think of it."

Vastra wanted nothing more to get back to the matter at hand. She could think about her own past later. "I'm not angry with you."

"You aren't?"

"I thought I was, but no, not with you."

"I'd understand if you were."

"I am... upset, yes, but I cannot blame you for your parents."

"Can we change the locks? I don't like that they know where we live."

"Jenny, I hate to minimise your concern but our address is public knowledge. We ran a newspaper advertisement with it."

"Yeah but they aren't clients."

"I won't let anything happen to you."

"It's not me I'm worried about." She held her own wrist, trying to soothe the guilt-induced phantom pain there. "I'm not gonna let anyone take you again."

"I would have gotten out if you and Strax hadn't come, you know."

"Yeah and you would've killed my old man to do it."

Vastra flinched. If Jenny hadn't turned up when she did she almost certainly killed at least her father. "What other choice did I have?"

"You didn't. That's my point. God, ma'am, what would we have done if you had killed him?" Vastra chose to see that as a rhetorical question rather than waste any time trying to think of an answer that would have devastated them both. It bore no good to think of what if. Meanwhile Jenny was working very hard at keeping her breath even to slow down the painful pounding in her chest. "I don't want them hurting you again and I don't want you killing my parents."

"I thought you didn't want to see them again?"

"Doesn't mean I want them dead. I want them far away and left alone and I don't want them to even think about me. Or you."

Vastra couldn't understand it, if she was being really honest. She didn't know what she'd give up for the chance to see her old family again. Vella was fine but they weren't exactly friendly. "You don't need to say that for my sake."

"I'm not."

"Human familial bonds are-"

"Don't."

"It is only natural to-"

"Vastra, please."

Vastra almost stumbled at the way her voice wobbled. That was an unpleasant noise if she'd ever heard one. "Are you crying?"

"No," she said, wiping at her eyes with her sleeve.

"I didn't mean to upset you."

"You and Strax. You two are more important to me than anything. I wish today," she held her breath for a second. "I wish today never happened. Ten years and I'd never once looked back."

Vastra took her hand. Jenny squeezed it back. She was hyper-aware of the angry marks that were hidden by her gloves and, while she wasn't about to let go any time soon, it made her feel terrible. "This has not been one of our better days."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i never ever want to touch this again because it was difficult to write and words are uncooperative and i got so bored of editing and rewriting


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if jenny can die twice in one episode and get slashed apart by a werewolf and also murdered by my hand then Vastra can get clocked in the face
> 
> i reckon this is probably fairly early days like maybe not long after demons run idk

When they got themselves back in the carriage Jenny immediately began fussing over her employer. "Let me see," she said, trying to get a look under her veil. Even with the lighting in the carriage it must have been unreasonably dark to be sitting there with it on.

"It's fine."

"Then you won't mind me having a look."

"Jenny-"

"Let me help."

Vastra conceded and took off her veil, but only angling her face toward Jenny with the gentle encouragement of her hand at her jaw.

"It really is fine," she said when she saw Jenny's expression become even more concerned at the angry misshapen bruising the along her cheekbone.

"Does it hurt?"

"It's fine."

"Ma'am."

"I got struck in the face Jenny, of course it hurts."

"I didn't know you could bruise."

"Do I look okay?"

"You're concerned about your looks?"

"They're all I have."

At least she was fine enough for jokes. Unless she wasn't joking, Jenny wasn't sure exactly just how far her vanity went, just that it went _far_. "Don't worry, it just makes you look a bit more rugged."

"I am not rugged."

"Some girls might like that."

"They do?" Vastra waited a beat to vocalise her next thought. "Do you?"

"What I really like is when you're not hurt."

"But do you like rugged?"

"I like _you_."

Vastra let her move her face about looking at the off-colour blotch. She considered letting it happen more often.

"What do you do for this? If you were a mammal you'd put something cold on it."

"It's not bad, I'll just let it be. I wear a veil around strangers anyway, you're the only one who'll see it."

She hovered her fingertips over the mark. "I definitely prefer you green."

"It'll heal."

"You look sort of... Tough."

"Tough?"

"Yeah, like you've been in a scuffle."

"I was. I am often. You're there. You know me. You're in the scuffles too."

"Yeah, but now you look it."

"I looked it before. I have swords."

"You don't get it."

"No, I don't think I do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am gonna update its not easy bein green it's just a matter of when


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this really quickly because I think I'm funnier than I actually am but I laughed at my own jokes so that's all that matters

Jenny felt as she always did when Vastra put her arm around her middle and drew herself closer, incredibly safe and comfortable, even when it was sudden and distracted her from her reading and almost made her fall from a seated position. She remembered the first time she ever did it and feeling certain she was going to have a heart attack but at least she'd die happy.

"You're thinking."

"Always am," she said, twisting so she was facing her rather than leaning against. Vastra lifted her arm to accommodate but Jenny grabbed her by the wrist and put it back.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"Are you offering me bribe or a raise?"

"I thought it was a saying."

"It is, but I was trying to make a joke."

"Oh." Clearly the joke didn't land and Jenny chose to believe it was because of Vastra's unfamiliarity with turns of phrase. "It didn't go very well."

"And who's fault is that?"

"Yours for telling it."

"At least you got the saying right, you're better than Strax. Not by much, mind."

"Wow, you really do love me, that's the nicest thing you've ever said."

"That's not true and you know it."

"That you love me or that that was the nicest thing?"

"Take your pick."

Vastra rolled her eyes, exaggerating her ire tremendously. Jenny regretted encouraging her interest in the arts because it only made her flair for the dramatic worse. "Are you going to tell me what you were thinking about before I slashed your hopes of a career change into comedy?"

"I _was_ thinking about how much I love you but now you're being annoying so I'm reconsidering this torrid affair."

"My darling, you're a married woman now, anything torrid has long since passed."

"You were meant to say 'I love you too'."

"Not when you're reconsidering your position, it would be far too embarrassing for me. What would the neighbours think?"

"I would hate to sully your good name."

"Long since sullied I think."

"You do associate with the disreputable."

"Yes, but I like to think I'm an elevating presence."

Jenny laughed and pushed her face. "You're so funny."

"I wasn't joking."

"You're a worse influence than me!"

"Perhaps, but nobody expects it from me."

"Nobody expects it from me either! I'm a dutiful maid and assistant."

"If I said that to you you'd divorce me - and rightly so - and if anyone else said that they might never be able to speak again."

"There's not a violent bone in my body."

Vastra raised a brow at her. "My love, we're bantering, not telling flagrant lies when the other knows better."

"Like you don't like it."

"I never said I didn't enjoy seeing you in action."

"Yeah so much so you slack off."

"I do rely on the help far too much."

"Proper toff you are."

"You're right, the only thing I love more than you is the exploitation of the working class."


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is just... one.... of the many takes i have about their first k*ss 🤢🤮🤢

It wasn't the first time Vastra had her pinned in the training room, nor would it be the last, and it also wasn't the first time Jenny felt her heart race even more after looking up at the smug expression. It was, however, the first time she didn't laugh with her.

Vastra quickly stopped laughing when she realised Jenny wasn't joining in. She would have asked her what was wrong if not for the realisation that Jenny had raised herself upon one elbow while her other hand made its way to hold her cheek. Instinctively she knew what was about to happen. Jenny Flint, her pretend maid and dearest friend, her greatest solace in this new reality, was really, actually going to kiss her. Instinctively she knew exactly what was about to happen but her conscious mind had short circuited.

Sure enough, Jenny kissed her. Vastra couldn't move. When she pulled away neither of them moved or spoke for a socially inappropriate amount of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> easily the shortest one yet 🤪😬🤪


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its about the intricate rituals and elaborate excuses for physical contact

"What do you mean you don't know what an arm wrestle is?"

"Exactly that, I don't think it could be clearer."

"Come on then, sit there," she said, pointing to the opposite side of the coffee table. Jenny had already taken up her post the moment Vastra said she didn't know what one was.

Because she would do whatever Jenny asked of her, she sat. "I don't see why-"

"Just give me your hand will you?" Vastra held her hand across the table. Should she have worn her gloves? Would Jenny mind touching her bare hands? She didn't seem to mind. "Wrong hand you idiot."

"I don't know this!"

"Just give me your other hand." Vastra let go and Jenny wiggled her fingers before she grabbed it again. "There we go."

"Now what?"

"You're gonna try to get my arm down and-" Jenny's arm hit the table with a thud. "-Ow! Ma'am!"

"Did I do it right?"

"No! Obviously not."

"But-"

"I think you made me pull a muscle."

"Why would you humans think to play a game like this?"

"We don't you just did it wrong."

"When do I let go?"

"About the time you almost break my arm."

"So I should have let go by now?"

"It's fine, your hand feels cold anyway."


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uhhhhh so I was listening to heritage 2 episode 3 and i was like huh I wonder what they were doing on their way to the police station with Gwendoline I bet Jenny was proper aggy which lead to me thinking super hard about a super vague headcanon I have about their stupid telepathy mostly being fine but if jenny's thinking LOUDLY and she's too close to vastra she sort of picks up on the noise like a radio and she has to be like Jenny I love you so much but you're actively giving me an aneurysm

As they walked Jenny felt Vastra's arm tense in her hand and Gwendoline watched as she brought her free hand to her forehead and almost managed to get a glimpse through her veil. _That_ would be a story. She could sell that to anyone, not just the Police Illustrated.

"Ma'am?"

Gwendoline eyed Vastra as she did all strange and noteworthy things.

"My love, I know you don't mean to but if you could quiet down?"

"Beg your pardon?" She hadn't been muttering to herself had she? She _had_ been having quite the lengthy and impassioned mental tirade about Miss Platt and the gutter press in general.

"You're giving me a headache."

Jenny, still in a mood, removed her hand from the crook of her arm and distanced herself half a step. "Sorry."

They were a strange pair. Gwendoline hadn't heard Jenny say anything and she always had an ear out in the event of a scoop. Still, Madame Vastra's headache seemed to be lessening and Gwendoline suddenly desperately wanted to be the journalist who finally got the skinny about her and her compatriots. The case reports were all well and good but every rag printed those. What the public _really_ wanted was to know what was going on underneath that veil and if any of the unsubstantiated rumours (of which there were many) about her maid were true. It was a crying shame she hadn't met the third member of this gang of theirs. From what she'd read he'd always seemed to be the most forthcoming with information and she'd always thought she could break a story with his loose lips. Vastra was dangerously cavalier about the nature of their relationship and Gwendoline (despite Jenny's measure of her) _did_ have a good enough moral compass to know better than to print that particular epithet. It did make her beg the question as to _how_ they got married and what on Earth anyone would see in such a scrappy maid- especially someone of social standing.

"We really ought to do something about that," mumbled Jenny, deliberately trying not to be heard.

"It's only when you're particularly irate and you know I find your unbridled rage endearing."

While Gwendoline saw no signs of this 'unbridled rage' but believed wholeheartedly in her potential for it so, wisely, chose to remain a quiet observer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaa


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> filed under things I desperately wanted to get rid of and am only posting so I never have to look at it again

Vastra had been staring in her general direction with knitted brows for an almost uncomfortably long time before Jenny decided it was high time to say something. "Ma'am?"

"Yes, Jenny?"

"What're you looking at?"

"Your hands."

Jenny instinctively curled her fingers in. "Why?"

"Don't you think it's strange that you can see your veins?"

"Beg your pardon?"

"You're covered in them."

"I..." She didn't really know how to reply to such an observation. "I've never really thought about it." And why should she have? She wasn't half as weird as Vastra, even without the scales.

"How? You see them every day."

"That's probably why. Don't you think it's strange that you can't see yours?"

"Well no, I have scales."

"You know, I think I take to you being so different better than you do to me."

"I don't have a problem with it," she said defensively. "I like the way you look."

"You do?"

Vastra wished she was more in the habit of thinking before speaking when it came to Jenny. "If I must live with a mammal I'm glad you're not an affront to my eyes," she said in an attempt to claw back some sense of mystique.

"And you were doing so well."

"Sorry."

"You're not so bad yourself."

"Really?"

"Don't let it go to your head."

"But do you really think so?"

"Well, yeah, you're not like anyone I've ever seen before. You're a good shade of green."

"And you like that?"

"You're my best friend ma'am, of course I don't mind looking at you."

"I am?"

"Don't sound so surprised."

What Jenny didn't know was that if Vastra could cry she would have immediately started tearing up. "You're my best friend too."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this might have started out as something from its not easy bein green? I don't rightly recall. either way it's so bare bones but I'm never looking at this again in my life


	47. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i think im funny and I love couples teasing each other about their past relationships its cute also yeah I'm absolutely on board with Vastra and Vella knowing each other before hibernation but I don't think they were like... romantic really, like I think they liked and respected each other but they weren't like... in love or whatever

"Why did you never tell me about you and Vella?" asked Jenny, weeks after the incident. Vastra always had impeccable posture but Jenny always knew when she hit a nerve because it always seemed to somehow get better.

"I'm sure you could go into great detail about your previous partners."

"Probably, but we haven't bumped into any of them."

"Any? Jenny you are prolific," she teased, hoping to swiftly move on.

It didn't work, predictably. "Don't change the subject. Why didn't you tell me who Vella was to you?" Vastra looked uncomfortable so Jenny thought it best to soften the subject with a joke, "I don't need to be worried do I?" She grinned at the withering look Vastra gave.

"She and I haven't seen each other in -and I must remind you that I am speaking in literal terms now - millions of years."

"Doesn't work like that."

"Jenny, I hadn't seen Vella since long before we went into hibernation."

"I figured that much. I'm not angry, ma'am."

"You aren't?"

"Don't be daft. Not all of us have your jealous streak."

"It might be nice, once in a while."

"Yeah because the whole Clara thing worked out so well for you."

Vastra smiled sheepishly, those had been a cold couple of nights. "It wouldn't hurt to pretend, for me."

"You know I love you, I just also trust you enough to know that you aren't going to jump into the arms of the first silurian you see, regardless of your past with her."

"I don't mean jealous of Vella, just in general."

"I might if you were any good at flirting with anyone who isn't me."

"You make it so easy."

"And I happen to be very certain you're happy with what you've got."

"You may need to re-evaluate that."

"You're so lucky I think you're funny."

"Don't say that it will go straight to my ego."

"I'm sure I can bring that down, don't you worry." A beat. "Do you think Vella is seeing anyone?"

"Goddess I hope not. Can you imagine?" She frowned to herself, realising she'd missed the joke. "Not that it matters, because you're married."

"That can be changed."

"You'd be devastated if we weren't married."

"Absolutely heartbroken, but you're too fun not to tease." She moved to sit closer to her. "Who broke it off?"

"Jenny!" For a moment Jenny really believed she was a proper toff, all scandalised.

"So, not you then."

"If I didn't know you'd ask her when we next see her I would have lied."

"Good for you for owning it."

"And I suppose it's never happened to you." Jenny winked at her. "You don't have to be so smug about it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are getting shorter and shorter as my attention span withers. uhhhhh i haven't read this back nor do I intend 2


	48. Chapter 48

The first time Jenny didn't leave before Vastra woke up hadn't been at all like Vastra had imagined it- and she _had_ imagined it. She had passed the point of pretending that she didn't imagine and crave a real relationship and dare she even say romance with Jenny.

It had been a particularly long night with a lot of fighting. Par for the course when clearing out warehouses full of organised criminals. The hours and blows had taken a toll. Neither of them had come out unscathed. Nothing serious, just a few cuts and bruises here and there and some strained muscles. So strained that Jenny, ever the dutiful lady's maid, struggled to get her arms high enough to help Vastra undress. If they weren't both trying so hard to impress each other they might have settled to falling into bed fully clothed but both of them wanted to seem well put together enough to change and not admit that they'd pulled muscles.

They fell asleep quickly even though Vastra strained herself further trying to keep herself awake so she could enjoy how Jenny didn't hesitate to hug her and nod off on her shoulder.  
Initially Vastra thought that for once she'd woken up first. It was a rare occurrence since Jenny was almost always gone before she woke up. "Jenny," Vastra mumbled, voice warped by her face on the pillow. "Why are you pretending to be asleep?"  
Jenny didn't open her eyes for a second, hoping that maybe Vastra was bluffing and didn't really know she was awake. "I'm not."

"You don't have to pretend to be asleep to stay. Do you want to stay?"

Jenny closed her eyes again. "A lie-in couldn't hurt."

"I think we've earned it."

"G'night ma'am," she said, already comfortable enough to go right back to sleep.

"It's very definitely morning, my dear."

"Go to sleep."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was trying to write chapter 11 of its not easy bein green but then I suddenly realised haha would have been funny if when I posted it's not easy I started with a prologue that would have been so wacky and hilarious and then its all sort of a blur and it sort of congealed into how much I love the whole being on the cusp of something thing


	49. Chapter 49

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i just thought of a bunch of separate funny jokes and punchlines and mashed em together

"Do you remember the first time I kissed you?" Vastra asked at around seven in the evening. She hadn't spoken in approximately two hours and it was killing her.

"Oi, don't get it twisted, I kissed your first."

"And you'll never let me forget it." She silently congratulated herself for such a good inciting action, there was no way Jenny wasn't going to say something. "I wasn't referring to that, I really meant the first time _I_ kissed _you_."

"About a month after me." Vastra continued to valiantly restrain her humour. Honestly she didn't care that Jenny was the braver of them, she was glad for it, but Jenny was proud and defensive and it was funny to prod her.

"I needed time to think about the ramifications of what we'd done."

"You're so proper." Just saying 'proper' Jenny sat up straighter, somehow managing to mock her with her posture. "It got to the point I really thought you were gonna sack me."

"I would never. If you recall, and I'm sure you do, I was just as active a participant as you."

"You were still my mistress! How was I to know you weren't gonna kick me out?"

"For starters, you have a key and I don't know how to get locks changed and, please, we both know I'm not the one in charge here."

Jenny leaned back a bit, shoulders pulling back improving her posture even more in genuine surprise. "Didn't think you'd ever admit that."

"Yes, well, I know when to concede a point and as far as I'm concerned I never actually said that. Nobody is going to believe I really admitted that to you."

"Why'd you ask anyway?"

"I was just wondering."

"You never 'just wonder' ma'am."

"Well," she encouraged Jenny across her lap, kissing her cheek to thank her for her pliability, "I like to reminisce."

"And what else?"

Vastra knocked her forehead against Jenny's. "Aren't you glad I bit the bullet?"

"You could've done it sooner."

"If I could have gotten you to stay in the same room as me I would have."

"In my defense I wasn't too sure on the etiquette for sleeping with your mistress."

"There's an etiquette?" she asked genuinely. After the number of cases they'd been involved in where there was infidelity with the help (where Jenny almost invariably rolled her eyes and Vastra either pretended not to find it funny or felt guilty about their presentation as mistress and maid) she really didn't know if there was societal expectation everybody expected her to perform but didn't talk about.

"No, you great daft thing. I was just worried that if we talked, talked properly, you'd sack me." She needed to lighten the tone some. "The pay was too good to take the risk. Speaking of which, it's about time we talk bout giving me a raise."

"Foolish ape."

"I'm glad you didn't sack me."

"You would never have let me and I'd be bored without you."

Jenny grabbed her chin. "Grumpier too."

"I'm upbeat!"

"Exactly, you're very happy, but without me and Strax you'd still be all moody and misunderstood."

"And you wouldn't be?"

"No I'd have been arrested."

"Good thing that isn't the case, you look terrible in stripes."

"I look fine in stripes."

"You don't have to look at you."

"We own so many mirrors I do actually."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i literally barfo'd this up I'm in a haze


	50. Chapter 50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is like 10-15 minutes after their first evening and the doctors made Vastra promise to let her stay that evening because she had nowhere else to go and really she had just seen a lot and it was the nineteenth century, she could get herself in big trouble shouting about aliens and underground lizards and neither of them are happy about the situation but hey it's only one night and Jenny could do with the warm bed

"Do you have a name?" Vastra asked. The ape was in her personal space. To be fair it wasn't her fault, the carriage was cramped. Still, she didn't like being too near others.

Jenny looked ahead, very still, only glancing up at the sudden question. She hadn't expected to be spoken to at all. "Yeah."

"... Are you going to tell me what it is?"

"Why?"

"Why?"

"If you don't need to know it then I'd rather not give it out, ma'am."

"The Doctor insisted you stay in my home this evening. I am not happy about it either, I would appreciate knowing what to call my guest."

She considered lying. "Jenny."

"Do you have a last name?"

She considered lying again. "Flint."

"Like the stone?"

"Yes ma'am, like the stone."

"Do you start fires?"

"Not what I'm known for." Jenny resisted the urge to look out the window. "Are you going to tell me your name?"

"Madame Vastra."

"Madame?"

"I thought of it myself. Fewer questions are asked about my... particulars when I act as one of your people's upper class."

Jenny had to agree. "I wouldn't think twice about some old widow."

"I'm not old nor am I a widow. I've never even been married. Ridiculous and misogynistic, your society."

Strangely political, Jenny thought, for a lizard. "That's what people are gonna assume, ma'am," she said pointedly.

"And you would know that how? You don't look as if you have a high standing in this world."

"I get by."

"Your shoelaces don't even match."

"One broke and I wasn't gonna fork out extra for a pair of laces are you mad?"

"You should consider it. You're shorter than most, people naturally look down to talk to you, their eyes will be drawn to your odd laces."

"You..." This Madame Vastra wasn't one to put you at ease and Jenny had been tense the whole ride, but something about how authentically strange she was made her feel better about her predicament. "You really don't talk to people much, do you ma'am?"

"It has... Been a while since I've had a conversation, yes."

Jenny felt sort of bad for the awkward woman. "What do you do?"

"I don't know."

"If you're not really a widow then you don't have a dead husband's bank account."

"I will find something, I always do." Jenny liked that, she'd said the same things many times herself. "Have you always been a thief, Miss Flint?" She sounded genuine, it wasn't a dig or a criticism, she was just curious. She seemed like she liked to know things.

"Not always, but most of it. Not until I could walk."

"You're a career criminal."

"I wouldn't say career. I've sold matches here and there during the day, might have a book somewhere actually if you've got some change."

"Why would I want matches?"

"I don't know, I just sell them."  
"You should work on your sales pitch."

Jenny laughed but that just made Vastra look at her strangely. It hadn't been a joke. "... Why are you letting me stay with you?"

"I don't have a choice."

"You could just turn a corner and chuck me out."

"I promised the Doctor I would let you stay this evening, it is better than the street. I'm sure someone as... Resourceful as yourself will find some arrangement after that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this intending for it to be in its not easy bein green but then I tripped and fell
> 
> and ahahahahab 50 of these that's so wild I really have not had a life while we've been neck deep in quar 
> 
> Also the heritage 4 trailer just dropped and strax is so good in it god bless I don not give strax enough love he's such a good and interesting character I could talk for hours about the strax and I have a really really hot take comparing strax with the cult of skaro particularly sec and caan


	51. Chapter 51

By this point both were relatively sure they were flirting. Jenny, for her part, was doing it very deliberately and Vastra was just as intentional and both were pretty certain that the other was probably flirting back but they couldn't know for sure until the game ended. It was getting frustrating.

One thing Vastra was both delighted by and resentful of, depending on the day, about the time she ended up in was the need for a second pair of hands when dressing and undressing for her perceived class. On the one hand Jenny had her hands on her, on the other it was entirely appropriate and the norm.

"You seem distracted there ma'am," said Jenny from behind her, tugging at the corseting of her dress. "Something on your mind?"

It sounded innocent enough but it did mean Jenny had let her know she'd been watching her, not just at her task. She wasn't sure how she felt about being watched by her.

"Yes actually."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jenny asked. Did she lean forward a bit?

"How do your people begin a relationship?" Vastra leaned back, narrowing the distance between them and causing Jenny's hands to fumble.

"Why'd you ask?"

"You know how curious I am about your kind."

"Well, how do yours?"

"They aren't common among my people."

"What, you don't fall in love or anything?"

"Of course we fall in love," she said, defensively. "It is just... Rare."

"Rare?"

"It's uncommon."

"I know what rare means."

"Of course." Vastra realised Jenny was taking an unusually long time. "What I mean to say is, it seems to me that..." she struggled to get the word out, "romance, is more common in humans."

Jenny tilted her head, obviously trying to figure her out, it was charming to look at. She tucked the ribbons into the corseting. "Romance?"

"I am trying to be delicate, I know your social graces."

"Oh you mean not just the, well," she made a gesture in the mirror.

"Not just the, well," she made the same gesture. Jenny glared at her the way she did whenever she found her teasing funny but never admitted it. "Humans seem to be so... Inundated with it. I see couples all the time, everywhere. You're consumed by it."

"Some of us."

"I take that to mean 'not you'?" If Jenny wasn't mistaken she could have sworn she sounded hopeful.

"I'd sort of given up on the idea."

"I'm sure there's a woman out there for you."

"Not really interested in out there right now."

"Why ever not?" she asked too deliberately, clearly trying not to let the question out too eagerly.

Jenny eyed her. Was she being coy or did she really not know? Impossible to tell. "I like things well enough as they are."

"Isn't it custom for your people to seek a partner for marriage?"

"Two things; women can't marry each other and if I could ever get married, now I'd want it to be for love."

"Now?"

"Well, the thing is ma'am, I always thought I'd end up with some fella, just to keep people quiet and make sure I was looked after." Jenny dropped her gaze, finding it overwhelming to be emotionally honest _and_ seeing Vastra watch her do it. "But now I'm here and I don't need to do that, I can't imagine ever leaving."

"Nor can I."

"You're going to have trouble getting rid of me."

"Why would I ever want to do that?"

Jenny smiled at her. Vastra had spent enough time cataloguing Jenny's expressions to know that she was the only one Jenny looked at like that. Not that it could mean anything, surely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking about flirting and stuuuffffff and i just think it's funny


	52. Chapter 52

"You're thinking," said Vastra, looking over at her. She'd been watching her for a while before choosing to say anything, leaning back over the sofa, arm hooked over it for a better view.

Jenny barely looked back at her. "I am," she confirmed before turning her attention back to the street below them. Nothing was happening she just made a point of enjoying quiet moments when they came, not that they ever lasted long.

"May I ask about what?"

"I was just thinking about how unlikely it was for the three of us to meet."

"I don't know about that."

She looked back properly, quiet street forgotten in favour of puzzling out their different perspectives. "Really?"

"Well, my love, we know that Earth continues to thrive for millennia, with some low points scattered throughout."

"And your point being?"

"We intervene with more than our fair share of potential timeline altering events, it stands to reason we're some sort of fixed point in time."  
Jenny rolled her eyes. As much as she liked how clever Vastra was she could tell whenever she didn't actually know as much as she let on. "Just because you can talk like the Doctor doesn't mean you know what you're on about."

Scandalised at the notion she would ever speak on subjects she wasn't well versed in her voice went up half an octave while clutching pearls that weren't there. Jenny really needed to keep her away from the society people they'd made the acquaintance of before it rubbed off too much. "I have a rudimentary understanding of time and it's workings."

"No you don't."

"I have my theories."

Jenny paused for a moment, moving from her seat by the window to sit opposite her. "I don't think I want to be a fixed point," she said after taking her seat, having used the journey to ruminate on it.

"You don't?"

"Nah, feels restrictive and there's too much pressure."

"Pressure?"

She looked at the clock. It was past five, any visitors would have already come by now so pretense could be done away with, she thought as she undid her hair. She pretended not to notice how Vastra stared and made the wise decision to wait until she was done to continue talking otherwise she wouldn't have been heard. "I don't know much about time and I don't want to, but, say there's certain things that absolutely have to happen no matter what-"

"A fixed point."

"Yeah that's what I said."

"Please go on."

"I would have if I weren't interrupted." Vastra smiled at her, choosing not to quip back on this occasion. "What was I saying?"

"Things that have to happen."

"Right. What if everything we know about the future has something to do with us doing something we don't end up doing? Does the future change?"

Vastra narrowed her eyes trying to parse out whatever Jenny had said for a moment before it sunk in. While she thought of her own response she drew Jenny's discarded hair pins into a pile on the table otherwise she'd lose them. "I think we have some amount of leeway."

"And you know that how?"

"The Doctor does."

"We aren't like him."

"Well, as long as we don't actively prevent big things like Demon's Run so it exists in the future so it can exist in our pasts I think things are fine."

"So you're saying that you think the three of us meeting was inevitable?"

"I suppose so, I'm not entirely sold on the theory. It's a romantic idea, don't you think?"

Christ she married a sap. "Not really."

"No?"

"What about everything else?"

"Everything else?"

"Say us _meeting_ really was inevitable, I could almost buy that, but what about you and me? I never planned on sticking around and I don't like the idea that we didn't choose all this."

"I don't follow your meaning."

"I _chose_ to be with you," she began, drawing her legs up onto the seat with her in the perfect picture of impropriety. "I had a say in it, I could have left after we made some cash and never seen you again."

"Notions of fate don't appeal to you?"

"As nice as it is to think that you and I were always heading for each other it doesn't make sense. It was touch and go for a while for me before I met you, a lot of times I only made it through the night because of dumb luck."

"Oh?"

"Feels sort of... Pointless if it's all preordained because we happen to know one bloke who the rules don't apply to."

"I wouldn't say pointless."

"What would you say then?"

"I'm not sure, but not pointless. Not when it comes to you and Strax."

"Maybe pointless isn't the right word." She went quiet, leaning back in thought as Vastra leaned forward waiting for her next point. "I never expected any kindness from you and you never expected to even like me and Strax... well he thought he was dead. If all of that _had_ to happen for something else down the line I'd rather it didn't. You and me and him shouldn't have all that bad stuff just to get somewhere."

"Its not all bad! We have plenty of good things in our pasts."

"Yeah because we worked for them! Worked hard to get out of our scrapes and into something good."

"And that's pointless?"

"I just said that was the wrong word." She huffed. She didn't intend on getting so het up over this. "I'm not fond of the idea that all the stuff that's wrong with the world right now can be justified with 'oh well, because of that these people did this which meant that this happened so this could happen' that doesn't seem right to me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to work strax into this but I couldn't wu-oh
> 
> honestly I'm very tired I haven't posted anything in like a billion years and I refuse to proofread who do I think I am I'm just really interested in the implications of dr who style time travel shhhhh


	53. Chapter 53

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do you know what I think about a lot? Trenzalore having no consequences despite Jenny dying twice in two different timelines and Strax turning on Vastra and famously I love exactly two things: melodrama and jokes and there's nothing funnier than the gang absolutely getting all kinds of fucked up

The three of them hardly spoke a word to anyone, not even themselves, until they were safely home and all the locks we checked. Strax had been very thorough in that. The silence continued even after Strax finished securing the house and Jenny, with her hands still shaking from the ordeal, cobbled something approximating a meal together. They were too tired and sad to sleep and couldn't do anything except sit silently together in the drawing room with the curtains closed and the fire crackling. Jenny liked that, the ambient noise. If she focused on that it kept her from thinking too hard about her overlapping memories."What happened after I disappeared?" she asked. She knew it was morbid to discuss it so soon but she had to know.

Vastra and Strax looked at each other. "Nothing," she said. Strax didn't contradict her. Vastra couldn't be certain if he even remembered but from the way he looked back at her she had a pretty good idea. She wondered if he remembered her calling him her friend while he drew a weapon against her.

Of course Jenny noticed this, even with her vision still blurry and her eyes still pink. "So it was bad." She was missing time and was still disoriented by the ordeal, more so than anyone else on Trenzalore. Dying while in a temporal-hallucinogenic state and being revived on an alien planet and not knowing how she got there was bad enough, but she was still trying to separate memories from the other timeline and this one. "Look, neither of you have had as bad a day as me. Tell me what happened."

They looked at each other again. Jenny had seen them both look guilty before, catching Strax with his hand in the proverbial cookie jar and Vastra taking her teasing too far. The kind of guilt she was used to seeing on them was sweet and temporary, a far cry from the way it seemed to hurt for them to look at each other too long.

"Perhaps we should all just go to bed," Vastra said quietly, looking down at her hands. She hadn't let go of Jenny's since she reappeared.

Strax stood. He seemed to be grateful for her suggestion, taking it as a dismissal. "Ma'am."

Jenny stood. Her legs felt weak, like she hadn't eaten in too long. That hadn't happened in years. "Strax wait."

He waited.

"Let go of my hand for a moment will you?"

Vastra hesitated but acquiesced, crossing her fingers in her lap so she didn't fidget. She watched Jenny approach Strax and hugged him. He looked very uncomfortable with the gesture but he always looked uncomfortable with any kind of human interaction.

"Miss Jenny?"

"You brought me back."

"I simply restarted your primitive cardio-"

"You saved my life Strax, thank you."

He didn't return the hug so much as lean his shoulder into Jenny a bit. He let her stand there like that for a moment. If felt like she was crying again. She'd done that a lot over the past few hours. It made him... Uncomfortable seeing her cry.

"I'm going to make Madame tell me what happened while I wasn't around. I'm guessing there's a good reason you two are acting the way you are but you're family, alright?"

She let him go. He looked between her and Vastra before placing his first against his chest in salute.

"Goodnight Strax."

Jenny returned to Vastra, leaning her full weight against her. "So?"

"Yours isn't the only timeline that was changed," she said eventually, hoping that would be enough.

"Don't be vague."

"Strax never met the Doctor, so he never met us, he remained blindly loyal to Sontar. He had no idea who I was."

"Oh."

"I begged him not to Jenny. I tried to tell him who we were to each other, but he wasn't our Strax. I didn't have a choice I had to get back to the Doctor."

"How did you not forget everything?"

"I did, I just managed to hold on to some things."

"How?"

"It was not without difficulty, I assume it had to do with my timeline being more convoluted than yours and Strax's, I doubt I could have kept what little I did forever. I couldn't even remember your face."

"You know that wasn't our Strax, he wouldn't have ever-"

"I know. It's not him I'm upset with."

Jenny didn't know what to say to that. "Come on, I think we deserve to lie down."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I need to update it not easy


	54. Chapter 54

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> can you believe the whole marriage joke has a part 4 classic

Jenny had taken a liking to spending time near bodies of water. She'd said there was something peaceful about them but Vastra suspected it had something to do with her taking a fancy to waterfowl, a fancy she had in common with Strax but Vastra decided to stop there lest she start drawing more similarities between them. Vastra started to insist they go out late at night and enjoy the scenery without scrutiny. Really it was just nice to have Jenny's hand in her own in an unambiguously romantic fashion.

They hadn't said anything in a while but Vastra piped up, as she often did, somewhat inappropriately. "What would you have done if I didn't ask you to marry me when you told me to?"

"You didn't, remember?"

"I lasted for a week before I caved."

"Longest week we've ever had."

"You were so upset with me." The humour in her voice did not go unnoticed by Jenny.

"Damn right I was!" She was so loud and sharp it caused all nearby birds to scatter. It was too dark to see them but those were some frantic flapping sounds.

"You said no twice." The humour still hadn't gone.

"So you torture me for a week?"

"I wanted to wait until you said something but I think you really did start to get upset."

"Not like you to be emotionally astute."

"Not like you to use words like 'astute'."

Jenny didn't have a retort. She would take the loss this time, it didn't happen often. "Take off your veil would you?"

"You have to carry it."

She took it and draped it over her free arm. "The things I do for a pretty face."

"Are you flirting with me?"

"Usually."

"You know you don't have to keep me sweet, I'm not going anywhere."

"Doesn't mean I don't like how you look when I do."

"It's dark."

"I don't have to see to know."

"You're so smug."

Jenny grinned at her (smuggly), it was hard to tell in the dark but Vastra knew it well enough to recognise it in any light. "Only because I married up."

"Does that mean I married beneath me?"

"Street rat like me? Oh yeah, way below your station _ma'am_."

"If only I knew more of this society sooner, I could have consolidated wealth and power if only I'd married the right person."

"Oi, you did."

"Eventually I convinced you. Which reminds me, you didn't actually answer my question."

"If you didn't propose again?"

"Yes."

"You were going to."

"Yes, but say I didn't."

"Well I'd have sulked for a while longer, gotten upset with myself for turning you down twice."

"You wouldn't have asked me?"

"I don't know. If you'd left it a year I might have."

"That long?"

She shrugged and rubbed Vastra's arm with her free hand, almost losing her veil in the process. "I liked the idea of being asked. I've told you before that I never thought I'd marry for love, sometimes it's nice to be proven wrong."

"I really thought you'd say yes the first time. I wouldn't have asked otherwise."

"Sorry."

"Don't apologise, I knew it would happen eventually."

"Still, you took rejection... surprisingly well."

"I'm going to choose not to think about the implications of 'surprisingly well.'"

"I expected you to be in a right sulk for weeks when I said no. You just sort of..." She paused to think. It was a nice evening and she didn't want to put her foot in her mouth. "You were obviously disappointed, but you weren't moody."

"I can tell you're trying very hard not to be rude."

"Well I am the polite one."

"If you're the polite one how bad am I?"

"I try not to let you hear what people say about you."

"You are a good maid."

"I come highly recommended."

"Am I really not polite?"

"You are, proper well brought up lady you, I'm just teasing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just like teasing I think its sweet


	55. Chapter 55

Jenny had long since become too tired to contribute anything of use to the case other than (unwittingly) being a dramatic boost to Vastra's mood. So tired that she hadn't noticed that Vastra hadn't made any kind of note in five minutes and had just looked at Jenny fighting off sleep keeping herself upright with her elbow on the desk.

She was well within arm's reach of her, a fact Vastra knew from having depth perception and proved empirically when she reached out and put her hand on her head to stroke her hair in what was intended to be an affectionate gesture.

"Ma'am?"

She didn't move her hand, Jenny seemed just as relaxed as she had been before and knowing Jenny as well as she did, she knew that if she wasn't comfortable she'd have made that perfectly clear. "You're a mammal."

"Last time I checked, yeah."

"Mammals typically like this sort of attention, correct?"

"You're so clinical. You make it sound like you're petting a dog."

"Or a horse." Jenny glared at her. "Your hair is softer."

"Needs a cut."

"No it doesn't."

"Relax, you wouldn't even notice it."

"I would."

Jenny seemed much more awake, aside from the tell-tale greying around her eyes. Silurians didn't do that. By now she was sitting up straight and looking dead at her but still Vastra didn't feel like she should remove her hand. There was a new tension in Jenny that wasn't there before.

"How do you feel about me ma'am?"

"What?"

"You heard me."

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"I care about you. I haven't thought beyond that," she lied.

"I've never asked this ma'am, so stop me if I'm crossing a line," she said as if she didn't have her mistress' hand in her hair and her collar undone, "was there anyone before you went into hibernation?"

"There were a lot of people."

"No I mean, did you have someone?"

"Oh. You mean... An involvement." She brought her hand back to the desk, occupying it with reshuffling papers.

"That's a delicate way to put it."

"No, I didn't."

"Nothing at all?"

"Why are you asking me this?"

"Use your head."

"I'm a detective not a mind reader.'

"You sort of are though."

"Yes I realised that was a poor choice of words as soon as I said it."

"Well?"

"Relationships among my people were different. Sometimes two might be married, so to speak, but that was far less common than it is among you people. I wonder if your sense of propriety has something to do with that. Tell me Jenny, if physical intimacy weren't so taboo do you think fewer people would marry?"

Jenny, liberal as she was and certainly not a prude, blushed in the way only a woman born and raised in Victorian society could when discussing such matters with one's employer. "I don't know. Plenty happens outside of wedlock, though I suppose that's what leads to a lot of weddings. There'd probably be less if it weren't so easy to get pregnant."

Vastra cringed at the idea. "Would you ever?"

"Not now. Too much of a reputation for any man to take an interest in me now."  
Vastra knew Jenny well enough to be able to tell when she was making a joke, but that didn't mean the unspoken punchline always landed with her and thus, wrongly, assumed she meant her reputation as something of a troublemaker. "You sound relieved."

"Too right. If I'm gonna spend my days with anyone it'd be you now." Jenny caught herself too late and found herself even pinker at such an admission.

"Me?"

"You know, because of the house and the work and everything."

"You could still have those things and pursue partners."

"Partners? Wow you do have a high opinion of me."

"You're an attractive woman I'm sure you don't lack for prospects."

"You think I'm attractive?"

"Aren't you?"

"I couldn't say, it's subjective."

"I've always assumed you must be."

"Why?"

"I'm usually right."

Vastra spoke as if she were just stating basic facts. Jenny looked away and down, embarrassed but charmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heritage 4 just dropped but I'm too busy to listen to it until this evening and I don't know if I'm going to be too busy to enjoy it and it's a whole thing and i still haven't updated its not easy and I really want to it's been months but I've posted loads to this recently I'm losing it aaaa


	56. Chapter 56

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Massive heritage 4 spoilers
> 
> This is gonna be a much longer 3ish chapter long separate story that I'll post eventually it's just here to hold my accountable

"I was thinking about going away."

"Oh? Where?"

"Last I heard Tom and his lot are still in Germany."

"My love, after all we've been through do you not think it best to stay here, at home?"

"And you're welcome to do that."

"What?"

"I'd be going on my own."

 _Ah._ Vastra busied herself with a teacup and saucer. "I see... You've already made the arrangements haven't you?"

Jenny didn't break eye contact, she was tense but calm. All Vastra wanted to do was hug her but that felt like too much too soon. "The other day. The boat leaves tomorrow morning."

"And you didn't tell me?"

"Do you really want to start with me about not telling each other things?"

"Jenny I-"

She held up her hand, stopping the argument before it could start. "I don't think being so close is good for us right now."

"We were apart for a month!" she all but pleaded.

"Because you hired a hit on me!"

Vastra recoiled, knocking the teacup off the saucer staining the table with the last dregs of liquid. They'd just varnished it too. "Jenny..."

"And I know you weren't yourself but ma'am, but you lied to me and you broke your promise and you and that Edith-"

"Nothing happened."

"I know, I know love, but you didn't exactly put me at ease now did you?"

"She broke in!"

"So did I and look what happened to us!"

"You think I'm so easily swayed by a pretty face and a criminal streak?" she spat, offended.

"I never said she was pretty." Jenny had remained relatively calm.

"Well," she searched for a petty defence, "you wanted to see the mermaid."

"You can't compare your world-ending accomplice to me indulging in a childhood fancy."

"I know." She stopped being able to look at Jenny and was beyond the point of being able to feel shame at the weakness in her voice. "Do you really need to go?"

She approached her as she would have any other day before and held her face in her hand making her look at her before sitting in her lap and letting her hold on. She kissed the top of her head and stroked down her back before talking again. "Vastra, I love you, but god you made it hard."

"I don't know what I can do except apologise," she said with her voice slightly muffled by her head being on Jenny's chest. Her heartbeat was strong and even. If she was counting correctly it was three times now that she'd lost Jenny.

"I need time. Right now it's all so... fresh."

"Have I ruined everything?"

"I was worried you were going to."

"Will you write?"

"Only if you write back."

"Will you be gone long?"

"I don't know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know what, at the end of the day, when you get down to brass tacks, if you think about it, its not so easy being green
> 
> honestly I just want them dealing with their massive heritage 4 trauma


	57. Chapter 57

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i like to think vastra was fucking KNACKERED after anuragate and basically had to be dragged out of the factory after she got snapped out of her ripped whole cloth from bbc class metaphysical creation story god psyche cocaine bender

"Come on, I've got you," she said, supporting most of her weight, which was no mean feat considering Vastra was at least a whole head taller than her.

Vastra didn't even attempt to protest, which worried Jenny even more. She let Vastra decide their pace, not wanting to exhaust or overwhelm by walking even slightly too fast. If it came to it she could always throw her over her shoulders but that wouldn't have felt dignified. "If you ever scare me like that again I'll kill you."

"I'm sorry Jenny."

She kept looking ahead. "I know you are."

"I'm so sorry."

"You can apologise to me and Strax later." She felt the weight on her increase. "Hey, hey, come on, don't you fall asleep on me just yet."

"I am doing my best."

"I could probably carry you."

"Not after the month you've had. I will not burden you more than necessary."

"You ain't a burden." Vastra grunted but Jenny suspected it may have began as a humourless laugh.

"Why must your primitive world be so full of stairs?" she grumbled as she was half-dragged down them.

"If you can waste your breath on jokes you can put a bit more effort into getting down them."

"They are two different muscle groups, I can do one without a lapse in the other."

Jenny ignored her attempts at humour. _Not the time for it_. "It really would be easier to carry you."

"I'm fine."

"Obviously not." She shrugged Vastra into a more comfortable position. "You can rely on me, you know."

Vastra felt her guilt spike again at how quiet Jenny had said it. She kept her eyes down from then, focusing on her feet and moving forwards and not dragging her wife down with her were she to fall.

As soon as they were still Vastra was asleep, or at least very close to it, with Jenny holding on tightly so not to let her fall. It wasn't often that she got to feel protective. Jenny was anxious to get home and it was aggravating her nerves waiting for Strax to open the door to the carriage. She hated not having a free hand. In fairness to him, Strax was probably going at the exact same speed as always but under the circumstances it felt like waiting forever for him after loading Vella in on the other side. He was not quick at the best of times (sontarans were not built for speed) but with the weight of Vastra on her and the very real concern for her well being made each step of his seem to take even longer.

Jenny dared any tenebrea stragglers to come after them, it would be a fine excuse to work out her frustrations on someone she didn't have to hold back with. Vastra shifted drawing her out of any violent fantasy. It was hard to feel rage, even in their present circumstance, with her wife slumped almost on top of her and her head resting against her own. It was so late and dark that Jenny wasn't worried about her lack of veil. Considering the ruin she'd found the city in, Vastra had done enough of a number on London that a couple of lizard people being bunged into a carriage in the dead of night was probably the least of anyone's worries. Besides, if Vastra were veiled the netting would have itched against her cheek and probably left a silly floral pattern on her face. "You daft old thing," she said as she tucked her own head in towards her neck, allowing herself a moment of rest. Sleep wouldn't come for a while and when it did it wouldn't be pleasant, she would take the moment while she could.


	58. Chapter 58

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whatever remains was really good Jenny solved the case and Vastra, to nobody's surprise, is a bad wife and I can say nothing kind about her

While they packed their things to return to London, Vastra found herself distracted looking at Jenny (something she was not all that ashamed to find herself doing as often as she did). Jenny had hardly spoken to her since she solved the case despite, in front of everyone, telling her that they would definitely be talking later. Vastra must have spent a good while doing nothing because she was only snapped back to attention when Jenny tutted over having to finish herself. This tutting became quiet muttering to herself that Vastra couldn't quite catch- something about being 'off with the fairies,' whatever that meant.

Vastra continued to look at her while she got herself ready to leave, only moving to grab Jenny's hands while she was trying to put on her gloves. They were bruised down the sides. She was used to seeing her with scuffed knuckles and broken nails but these were strange wounds. "What happened?"

She took her hands back, flexing then to shake off the feeling of being touched before putting her gloves on. They were scuffed with scratches down the sides. "Nothing."

"Clearly not. Why haven't you had Strax look at them?"

"For a bruise? Come on."

"So you admit they are bruised."

"It doesn't matter, I'm always knocking myself about."

"Jenny," she said, sounding very much like a teacher in a way Jenny didn't at all like.

She hoisted the largest suitcase off of the bed (Vastra always packed too many clothes. Not even for practicalities sake, it was just pure vanity. 'But Jenny, what if we need to attend a function?'). "When you left me in the cave I hit the wall." She didn't want to sound like she was telling her off, that would come later, she didn't think it was a good idea to get on a long train journey home off the back of a fight, however justified it might have been.

"Jenny that was solid-"

"I know. I was upset." Vastra kept quiet then and for the rest of the journey to the station, she got the feeling that she probably couldn't say anything that wouldn't have been wrong. Strax absolutely picked up on it and insisted on sitting up top with the carriage driver. Vastra tipped him extra, it was cramped up there with Strax and his 'keen and strategic mind'.

When they eventually got to their cabin Vastra made a point of storing their luggage overhead so Jenny wasn't roughing up her hands further. She could have asked Strax to do it but that might have diminished the gesture some. The only exception being the case containing Anura's vessel wedged between her and the window, not wanting it to be out of sight.

"It's a long journey home," said Vastra eventually, unable to stand the silence any longer.

"I have cash, I'll hail us a cab home when we get back to London."

"Yes, I can't say I'll be in the mood to walk all that way." Jenny yawned and leaned back in her seat, she could see what Vastra was trying to do and she wasn't in the mood for small talk with her wife because she was nervous about being in the dog house. "Before you fall asleep would you lock the door and close the blinds?" She could have reached across but she didn't want to annoy Jenny more and it was a good excuse to talk. Strax grumbled something about locks and cowardice that Vastra ignored, not wishing to debate military strategy in an already uncomfortable atmosphere.

"I'm not going to fall asleep."

"It would be fine if you did. You too Strax."

"I'm standing guard."

"I can take the first shift."

"Nonsense! I will watch for any assailants."

"If you insist, Strax."

"I do!"

"Then alert us if we are attacked." Vastra removed her veil and watched the scenery go by. Transport in her time was much quicker and the landscape so different, a fascinating distraction from the disappointment she felt that Jenny had chosen to lean backwards rather than against her to rest.

"My love, are you going to give me the cold shoulder all the way home?"

"Depends, are you going to explain why you left me alone in an uncharted cave filled with traps?"

"It wasn't like that."

"Sure seemed like that to me."

"You mustn't take it so personally."

"That's it," she said, standing and smoothing out her skirt. A train wasn't the place for a marital spat, so she unlocked the door and made to leave. "Strax, lock up behind me, I'll knock when I come back."

"We're on a train Jenny, where could you possibly be storming off to?"

"I'm doing you a favour," she snapped before slamming to thin door to the cabin. Vastra stared at the door, suddenly feeling like she was in even more trouble. Her grip on the case holding the ossuary tightened unconsciously. "She really is upset... Do you think I should go after her?"

"Miss Jenny has formidable destructive power, for a human. I would not advise it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally everything I post is just whoopsie Vastra's in trouble with Jenny who has never done anything wrong in her life


	59. Chapter 59

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this was written for jenny flint I'm literally begging you to dump your terrible wife but nah
> 
> I'll probably end up reworking this and putting it back in but who's to say I'm fickle

Jenny grabbed the front of her dress hard enough for them both to hear stitches pop. "If you ever scare me like that again that's it Vastra."

"Jenny, I-"

"I'm talking now. You lied to me, you broke your promise, you tried to have me assassinated and thought it succeeded and you _replaced me_."

"My love-"

"You do not get to call me that right now."

"Do I not to get to say anything?"

"What could you possibly say to fix any of this? You tried to have me killed! You still don't know where you left your wedding ring! How am I supposed to feel ma'am? I thought you were gone and I mourned you for a month all because you wouldn't talk to me."

"I-"

"Strax and I had to be _kidnapped_ just to make sure we were safe."

"If I could just-"

"Just what? Explain yourself? Sure, explain to me right now why you suddenly decided that this marriage wasn't a priority."

"Jenny the neighbours are going to hear."

"Let them!"

"What do you expect me to say?"

"I don't know!"

"Then why-"

"Because I'm angry at you! I've never been so mad at anyone in my life! And you had the _gall_ to go all cold with me over my parents."

"They put me in a cage!"

"And I immediately came and got you! There's a big difference between that and you, and I can't believe I have to say this once again, _trying to have me assassinated_."

"Jenny!"

"Do you even want to be married to me? Do you even want to be my wife?" She hadn't meant to say that but it came out anyway. Jenny didn't make a habit of asking questions she wasn't sure she wanted the answer to.

Vastra couldn't speak for a moment, just staring at her. "How could you even say something like that?" She knew how, she was the reason after all.

"Because of how you've acted!"

Vastra grabbed her wrist, gently, and removed her hand from her dress, to which she felt no resistance. "Do you want me to go?"

"Don't you dare make this about you."

"I don't know what I can do."

"I know."

"You know I love you, more than anything."

_Oh no,_ thought Vastra when that seemed to start her crying again. "And how am I supposed to believe that?"

"Jenny-"

"Because I really did. I really thought I knew it for a fact."

"Now you're just trying to be hurtful." She said it like she was hoping for that to be the case, knowing full well that the reality was that Jenny just had the good conscience to be honest with her.

"As if I would ever go out of my way to hurt you."

Vastra sighed, weighing the risk before hugging her, which brought on another, harder bout of tears. She rarely saw Jenny cry, she wasn't the sort to, some kind of need to appear all hard and tough. There were a few tears shed over her family after that unfortunate incident, but nothing like this. Vastra found her taking her entire weight while she cried into her shoulder. It was fine, they had laundry to do anyway.

Silurians couldn't cry and Vastra had a fascination with it that felt perverse. She knew it was exhausting. Jenny had cried, sobbed, before and slept hours longer than she normally would have after. Yet, as physically uncomfortable at best and genuinely painful at worst, it seemed cathartic.

"Will you let me take you to bed? I think sleep is the only thing for you right now."

"I want to be alone."

She pressed her face into her hair. "Okay." She waited for Jenny to let go of her first.

She expected, hoped really, that she'd hesitate at the doorway, but she didn't. Listening out for her footsteps Vastra heard her bypass their room completely. They both would be sleeping alone if they did indeed sleep at all.

After forcing herself to move from the spot she'd been rooted to Vastra sat, silently, sprawled on her favourite chair with a glass of wine in one hand and her head in the other looking every bit the tortured genius she thought she ought to be. Jenny would have told her to sit up straight and put the glass on a coaster. Strax cringed at thought of cleaning wine stains out.

"What would sontarans do?" she asked, barely looking up.

"If a commanding officer turned against his troops?" he asked, surprisingly perceptive.

"Yes."

"He would be court martialed, found guilty, and shot by his own subordinates." Any other day Strax would have explained such an event with glee and three-fingered fist clenching.

"Oh."

"But you are not a sontaran."

"And you are not my subordinate."

Strax didn't much wish to continue that line of thought. "... Will Miss Jenny be alright?"

She looked at the ceiling toward where Jenny's old room was. "I don't know."

"I am sorry, Strax."

He didn't say anything, which was unlike him. He didn't know what to say. It didn't occur to him to lie and tell her it was fine.


	60. Chapter 60

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *insert arbitrary interruption so they're forced to address that Something is definitely happening between them*

There had been a number of near-misses, Vastra was sure of it. Jenny lingering just a moment too long after taking her veil, Vastra hesitating after saying her good nights, both of them relishing a won sparring match for too long. Yes, Vastra was getting more and more certain of it by the day. Honestly she wished Jenny would get frustrated and just get it over with. Jenny was much more equipped to bite the bullet.

She'd had her suspicions for a while but she'd only reached certainty on the matter that very evening. It had been an innocuous day for once. No cases to investigate, no murderers on the loose, nothing alien. A rare quiet day. Somehow they'd ended up in front of each other and the pretence just dropped. It felt entirely natural too, like actors out of costume. If she'd said that out loud Jenny would have called her pretentious rather than appreciating the apt comparison.

Vastra really was about to kiss her, no, really, she actually was going to put herself out of her misery and do it- and Jenny was going to do the same and was clearly very annoyed by the knock at the door if the huff was anything to go by.

Jenny drew back up the pretence by checking the bow at the back of her apron, returning masterfully to her role. "I'll get it. If it's nothing important I'll say you're ill or something."

Vastra didn't reply, too focused on clenching her hands into fists to keep from making an unattractive frustrated noise. Jenny found it very flattering underneath her maid act.  
  
Jenny returned quickly, but standing at a far more appropriate distance. "Wasn't important."

Vastra sighed. An opportunity wasted by the unimportant. "Who was it?"

"It was for me."

"You?"

She held up an envelope and shrugged. "I like to get the Yard's write-ups of the cases we work on."

Why hadn't she thought of doing that? In large part because she didn't really know how human policing worked only that it wasn't very well."I didn't know you did that."

"Yeah, if anyone asks they're for you."

"Why?"

"As if they'd just give them to me ma'am. I just say they're for your records."

"It would be interesting to see how the constabulary explain away the extraterrestrial."

"Might come in useful someday, knowing how they cover up our business." Smart. Jenny didn't trust the police, it stood to reason to keep some kind of tabs to get out of trouble - just in case. In a perfect world Jenny would have had the finest education, but it was not a perfect world and her opportunities were few before she had the chance to really flex that intelligence of hers. All that potential had to rear its head somewhere, unfortunately for everyone it shone out best in petty crime and being too charming for her own good. Vastra wondered how the economy in the city hadn't collapsed with a woman with her mind and disposition for crime roaming the street.

"And to think I didn't want a maid."

"Oi." Vastra grinned. It was a fun game, teasing her. Jenny always smiled back, it was nice. She cleared her throat, distracted by the moment and trying not to dwell on the missed opportunity and being so rudely interrupted. "I'm gonna put this with the other files else I'll lose it." She used the envelope to gesture towards the stairs.

Vastra nodded and waved her off before rediscovering her courage while she was halfway up. "Jenny."

"Ma'am?"

"Do you think you and I should deal with the elephant in the room?" she said without hesitating.

"I think it's about time one of us did."

"Sooner rather than later, perhaps?" Why did it sound like she was negotiating? No, they were both clearly interested, negotiation wasn't necessary then. It was more like organising, scheduling even. Neither of them were very good at keeping to schedules.

"That's just as much up to you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i came up with this like a week ago and im just glad to be rid of it lols its about time i post something that isn't me coming for vastras life and making a point about how jenny is too good for her and could do way better


	61. Chapter 61

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you KNOW i love jenny being in pain
> 
> pre-relationship tho

Vastra offered her a rag to bite down on while her other hand supported her dislocated shoulder. Jenny didn't ask what she'd ripped it off from, she didn't care so long as it wasn't expensive. "What am I gonna need that for?" she asked, her accent coming out thick and fierce in pain.

"If you clench your teeth too hard you'll crack them. I will not subject you to primitive dentistry."

Jenny eyed the rag. She had a point, "alright," she said before ultimately deciding that she did, after all, trust Vastra more than was probably good for her and bit down.

"This really is going to hurt."

Jenny nodded at her. Vastra thought, hoped, she'd close her eyes. Instead she just watched her, all trusting. Part of her wanted to preserve the moment; Jenny propped up against a damp wall in the rain, the light from a gas lamp above making her edges look sharper and much more mysterious than either of them actually were. Her hair was coming undone and sticking to her face. If it was dry Vastra would have brushed it away but she didn't fully understand the physics of wet hair and didn't want to risk embarrassing herself.

She thought about surprising her. Telling her that she'd do it on three and actually snapping the joint back in on one, but that felt like a betrayal of her trust and Jenny was tough enough to take it.

When Jenny screamed, muffled by the rag in her mouth, Vastra froze. She forced herself past the chill in her spine and checked Jenny's now-relocated shoulder's range of movement. "How does that feel?" There were tears in her eyes she likely would have called rain if Vastra pointed them out.

Jenny spat out the rag and breathed hard. "Better now. Thank you."

"Any time."

"Let's hope not."

"Quite. Can you move your shoulder for me?"

Jenny hesitated. Vastra could feel the heat coming off it and the swelling was already starting. "Do I have to?"

"It would be best to know if I did it right."

Jenny timidly rolled her shoulder forward and back. "Feels right."

"Pain?"

"Like you wouldn't believe."

"I wish your medicine wasn't so lacking."

"I've got you."

"And if I can't put you back together?"

"You'll try."

Vastra, flattered by the sentiment, grabbed her good arm by her hand and elbow to help her up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
> 
> bashed this out pretty quickly but i do still want vastra dead i swear


	62. Chapter 62

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> flirting and whatever after demons run let jenny be uncomfortable on a space station

Hours after the battle Vastra found Jenny staring out of a window. She looked uncomfortable, squinting out at the sky around them. If she kept frowning like that she'd get a headache. "There you are."

Jenny glanced at her, still too focused on the outside to tear herself away. "Oh, hello ma'am."

Vastra stood beside her, looking at Jenny rather than outside. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't seem it."

Jenny looked over her shoulder making sure there weren't any eyes on them and grabbed her hand. It was an unfortunate impulse to have before showing affection, but she chose not to comment since it was so rare for Jenny to touch her at all outside of their home. "Next time we leave Earth, can it not be for a fight?"

"Artificial gravity never does feel quite right."

"The gravity's fine. I just don't like this place."

It was too empty for her liking and Vastra had told her before they landed that they were so far from home and so far from their time that not only could they not see any of their stars, but many of them would have been long dead. It didn't make her homesick per se, there was very little for her to miss, but being faced with the wide open universe while standing on a battlefield did make her long for a setting that was a little more familiar.

"We haven't had a holiday in a long time." Vastra showed it less, but she was just as uncomfortable with their situation at hand and there were places that weren't London in the middle of winter where she could imagine herself being quite comfortable, even only temporarily.

"What are you suggesting?"

"A month or two somewhere on the equator?"

"Wouldn't you get bored?"

"Not with the right company."

"I'm sure a woman with your connections could find a suitable travelling companion."

"I meant you."

Jenny rolled her eyes and smiled fondly, finally properly looking at her. "I know, I was being coy. Obviously you meant me."

"Obviously? Perhaps I should make some distance," she said as if she wasn't holding her hand.

"What, you want to play hard to get?"

"It's an idea."

"You do that, we'll see how long you last."

"Perhaps we could make it a wager."

"Ma'am if it came down to a game of stubbornness we might not speak again for years."

"Don't exaggerate, I'd crack within months."

Jenny laughed. "Maybe."

"I think we deserve some time away."

"It would be nice. We'd have to give notice that we're going to be unavailable."

"Must we? I prefer the idea of disappearing for a while."

"Someone might get worried."

"Who?"

"Good point." Vastra hadn't meant to but she'd reminded Jenny just how alone the two of them had found themselves. "You know, if you wanted to go home with the other silurians, I wouldn't stop you."

"I know."

"Then why don't you? Your debts been repaid, you're not stuck in London anymore."

"I don't want to be anywhere you aren't."

"Ma'am-"

"My friends and family are long gone. I have a new life, one I've grown to love. I am not prepared to give that life up. Or give you up."

Jenny knocked her shoulder against her arm, squeezing her hand as she did so. "I don't know what I'd do without you either." They _really_ needed to have a conversation about their relationship. They were both well aware of the reality but that didn't always count for much when they didn't buck up and face it.

"Then we're in agreement. I'm wherever you are for as long as you'll have me."

"I'll try not to let you get bored then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How many times can I rehash this setting and this conversation? Too many!
> 
> Also immediately after this any plans they make about taking a holiday are immediately destroyed by picking up strax but I think that's very sweet


End file.
